By the time we make it back to where we left Lana, she’s there too, but her friends and that guy are nowhere to be found. I let out a sigh of relief. She wears a squinty smile when she spots us, her arms wrapping around Segan as she kisses him.
Looking away, I ignore the pang in my chest at the sight. My niece is kissing her boyfriend. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I end up giving them both a ride back to Lana’s place. She passes out almost as soon as we hit the road, barely waking up long enough to stumble into the house. It’s a miracle her parents don’t wake up. Right as Segan’s about to shut the front door, he glances back, holding my gaze for a moment, before turning and going inside. By the time I get home, which, let’s be real, takes half a second since I’m just behind their house, I have a text waiting for me.
Segan: Thanks for coming tonight
I don’t respond. I want to, but I don’t. My head’s a fuzzy mess, and I doubt it’s from what little weed I smoked. Nothing’s making sense anymore, but I’m past the point of wanting to try to figure it out.
6
SEGAN
Today’s Lana’s seventeenth birthday. We’re exactly two months apart, me being older than her. She’s a wreck today—and most days lately. I don’t get what’s going on with her.
It’s been almost eight months since that church potluck when she admitted to me how trapped she felt in this town. And it’s been almost that long since she started whatever this downward spiral is. She wants to drink a lot more often these days, smoking more weed. We even started popping pills together that she gets from some guy she knows from church.
For the most part, it’s been fun, but then at times, it’s like she has no chill. She’ll get way too drunk or way too high, and act like an idiot.
Like tonight, for example.
And I get it’s her birthday, and she’s allowed to celebrate, but it’s barely ten at night and she’s already so plastered, she can barely talk. It kind of takes the fun out of it for me.
Lana’s currently sitting beside the bonfire with a couple of her girlfriends. They’re giggling incessantly, wrapped up in sleeping bags. We’re in a huge, abandoned field on the outskirts of town. It’s where most parties take place, and normally it’s a fun time, but I’m just over it.
Pulling out my phone, I thumb off a text message.
Me: Wanna come to the fields?
It doesn’t take but a few seconds for a response to come through, a smile tugging on my lips.
Josiah: Why? No fun without me?
Me: Lana is wasted with her friends, and I’m barely tipsy.
Josiah: Yeah, I’ll come hang out for a little bit.
A warmth spreads through me at the confirmation that he’s coming here. Day after day, I find myself wanting to hang out with Josiah more than I do Lana. When I first started feeling this way earlier this year, the guilt was overwhelming.
Now, it’s like I don’t even care. I want what I want.
Lana and I have been together for years, and I’ll always have love for her. But more often lately, I’m wondering if that’s the same as beingin lovewith her.
Because if I was in love with her, wouldn’t I want to hang out with her all the time? Wouldn’t I want to be beside her next to the fire, just as drunk as she is? Shouldn’t I think of her—and only her—when we fuck? Instead, my mind always wanders to Josiah when I’m inside her.
I can’t help but fantasize about what it would feel like to be buried inside of him. What his hands would feel like circling my cock. What his mouth would feel like, but on my own mouth and farther down. I want him so bad.
More than I’ve ever wanted anything.
Hell, I want him more than I even wanted Lana the first time we had sex.
And I swear to God, he flirts with me. All. The. Time. It’s subtle, but I swear it’s there.
Being around him is electric. I can’t get enough, and I know I’m treading dangerous waters, but I can’t stop.
I don’t want to.
About twenty minutes later, headlights appear on the dirt road. He pulls up beside me, turning off his truck, and gets out. Josiah bought this truck a few months ago when he started working in the auto body garage in town. It’s an older red and white Chevy pickup, but I like it. And he looks hot as fuck driving it.
