So, even though every bone in my body is trying to live in fight-or-flight mode, I force myself to relax. I force my mind to shut off and let Travis guide me through this. He must notice the shift too, because he removes me from his mouth, sitting back on his haunches as he peers up at me.
“You okay?”
The question reminds me of earlier this week, him strapped to the St. Andrews Cross, and me asking him the exact same question.
I nod.
He offers me a small smile, his eyes glinting. “You can trust me, you know.”
“I know I can.” My voice is like gravel, my nerves wrapped around my vocal cords.
Travis climbs up my body, pressing his lips to mine. The kiss is gentle, but meaningful. It’s meant to be reassuring. Comforting.
And I love him for it.
The blood roars in my ears as the thought simmers in my mind, embedding in my chest like a knife.
I… love him.
Fuck…
Putting that thought away for a different day, I force myself back into the here and now as Travis breaks the kiss and climbs off the bed, padding over to the duffle on the floor. He unzips the side pocket, pulling out a bottle of lube that I put in there before leaving my house. How he knew it was in there is beyond me.
He climbs back on the bed, positioning himself back between my open thighs. His mouth closes around my cock again, gliding down, my toes curling as he does. At the same time, he runs his now-slick fingers down through my crease.
My breath hitches, but again, I force myself to relax.He’s got me. I can trust him. Travis isn’thim.
The pad of his index finger circles my hole, the touch featherlight. It sparks something foreign inside of me. Something overwhelming and invigorating. His tongue circles my tip the same way his finger is, the paired sensation otherworldly.
A groan rumbles from my chest as I fist the sheets. Sweat lines my body and my heart is spazzing out. Emotion sears my eyes as I fight to keep them open, needing to watch him every step of the way.
Every single thing about Travis is extraordinary. The way he can’t help but wear his heart on his sleeve, no matter what, despite all the heartbreak he’s been through. His piercing blue eyes that hold humor, and love, and even anger sometimes. And the way he’s still so soft and gentle despite the world trying so hard to make him jaded.
He’s beautiful and kind and funny.
He can be sarcastic and tough when he needs to be.
And he’s so utterly shameless in everything that he wants.
Travis isn’t someone I thought I’d end up with. He’s someone the old me would’ve walked all over. Taken advantage of. But as I lie here, his hands and mouth all over me while he takes such good care of me, it’s abundantly clear that he’sexactlywho I should have by my side.
I swallow thickly around the lump in my throat, forcing myself to breathe deeply as Travis applies more pressure to his finger, slipping past the tight muscle. It’s something that would’ve sent me spiraling a few months ago. It’s something I wouldn’t have even been open to.
But right here, right now, with Travis? I welcome it.
I crave it.
37
TRAVIS
Mateo’s body is trembling beneath me. The fact that I’m even in this position, and that he’s putting such a high level of trust in me at all, is astounding. His vulnerability is stunning.
Everything about this day, from the very moment he knocked on my door this morning, until right now, something has changed. It’s been a slow-burn change, that probably started before I even realized it, but today is the turning point. Today is the day I can no longer pretend there’s nothing between us. That it’s strictly physical.
As much as I’ve tried to deny it, Mateo has awoken something inside of me. He’s given me headaches, yes, but he’s also given me comfort and warmth. Without me even realizing it, he’s made me feel seen and heard. This trip is proof of that. He’s fought for me, despite my every attempt to push him away.
He’s shown up. It’s as simple as that.
