Holy fucking shit.
I stare at Mateo. Gaping at the side of his head as his words trail through my mind on a loop. Yeah,nowI remember telling him that. How doesheremember that, though? It was practically a side comment in a random conversation while we were tossing back tequila shots before dinner.
My chest is all warm and tight, my pulse racing, and there’s a horribly large lump in my throat making it hard to talk or breathe or do anything except sit here, flabbergasted. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling like a moron.
Why would he do this? Drive four hours to do something he’s never done, never had any interest in doing, simply because I mentioned enjoying it and that I haven’t been able to do it this season?
Why?
Nobody has ever done something so thoughtful for me before.
The last month or so, we’ve been hooking up more regularly, but it’s stayed at mostly just that. I’ve gotten the feeling that Mateo maybe wants more than that… not that he’s ever come right out and said it. I don’t know, though. That thought makes me nervous. While he’s shown me that he’s not who I originally thought he was, and while I’m pretty sure I’m over what Nathaniel did to me, I still can’t help but worry.
What if it happens again?
What if I start to fall for him, and he cheats on me?
A part of me wonders if those types of thoughts will ever fully go away, or if they’re engrained in who I am now. When someone is cheated on, their way of thinking can’t help but be changed, even if they don’t want to be that way.
What if I really am a conquest to Mateo, and the finish line is getting me to fall for him? I don’t believe that logically… but what if?
It’s reasons like those that have made me keep him at an arm’s length. But the truth is, I am starting to care for Mateo more than I would’ve liked. I look forward to seeing him. I’ve started finding comfort in being near him, and that fucking terrifies me. And now this?Fuck.
“Earth to Travis.” Mateo snaps his fingers beside my head. “You alive over there?”
“Uh, yeah. Think I’m gonna take a nap before we get there. Make sure I’m nice and rested for the slopes.”
I turn over in my seat, facing the window, and pretend to nap for the next three hours.
* * *
“This is so fucking stupid.”
Laughter bubbles out of me, puffs of white clouds forming in front of me from how cold it is up here, as I watch Mateo attempt to stand up again after eating shit for the hundredth time in the forty-five minutes we’ve been out here.
One thing is for absolute certain; Mateo isnota natural at snowboarding. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he woke up tomorrow sore as fuck, black and blue, from all the falling he’s done.
“It’s not stupid,” I mutter, offering him my hand to help him get back up. “It’s hard if you don’t know what you’re doing, and this is your first time. Cut yourself some slack.”
Mateo’s finally upright, and he’s brushing the snow off himself, huffing and puffing his annoyance. I can’t help but watch him and think how fucking cute he looks all flustered. It’s not something I’m used to seeing from him, but I like it. It makes him a little more mortal like the rest of us.
We’re still on the bunny slopes, barely having gone anywhere yet. Normally, when I come here, I’m on more advanced slopes, but I don’t really want to ditch Mateo to go do that, especially when it was his idea—his extremelythoughtfulidea—to come here. So, despite his insistence that I do just that, I’m here with him, trying to help him find his footing, so to speak.
“Here.” I hold out my arm for him. “Hold on, and let me help you try to find your groove.”
He takes the hand, attempting to stand, but loses his footing immediately, dragging us both down into the snow. I bury my face into the crook of my arm, trying to hide the laughter, but it’s no use.
Grumbling loudly, Mateo picks up a fistful of snow, throwing it at me. “Stop fucking laughing at me.”
He can’t even get the words out without a smile splitting on his face.
“Hey!” Molding a snowball with my hands, I throw it at his head, pegging him right above his ear. “Don’t throw snow at me, asshole.”
I go to stand, but before I can, Mateo swipes his arm out, knocking my legs out from under me. Falling onto the snow, the air is knocked from my lungs, but laughter bubbles out of me all the same. He rolls on top of me, snow completely surrounding us, with an expression I can’t quite place. It almost looks… loving. But that can’t be right.
Clearing my throat, I wrap my arms around his neck. “You’re kind of a poor sport, you know that?”
“Is that really all that surprising?” he drawls.
