One look down at Nathaniel and it’s clear Mateo rocked his shit, even with only a few punches. There’s blood smeared on his face, his right eyebrow is now busted open, and his shirt is stretched all to hell on the front.
“God, what the fuck is wrong with you two?” I shout, picking up Nova’s leash from where Mateo dropped it on the ground before he lunged at Nathaniel like the Hulk. Her ears are back, her eyes wide, but other than that, she’s silent. “What is this? Some dick measuring contest? You’re both fucking pathetic.”
With Nova in hand, I turn and walk away, leaving them both there to calm down… or kill each other. One of the two would be fine with me, honestly. Vaguely, I hear Mateo call out my name, but I ignore it. I can’t deal with his macho bullshit right now.
By the time we make it home, I’m so confused by how I’m feeling. On the one hand, I’m fucking pissed that Mateo thinks he needs to stand up for me,orthat he has any right whatsoever to claim me as his. But on the other, it was undeniably hot as fuck to have him fight Nathaniel because of me. It was possessive and animalistic and downright sexy. It turns me on.
But Christ, I shouldn’t be turned on by such levels of caveman behavior, especially from someone who has no business claiming me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
29
MATEO
Me: Don’t think because you’ve ignored me all goddamn week that you can get out of the engagement party tonight. I’ll be at your door to pick you up at 5:30 sharp, cariño.
Hitting send, I lock my phone, setting it on the counter before stripping out of my clothes and climbing under the hot spray of the shower. I’m all fucking sweaty because I just spent the last two hours in the gym, blowing off some steam on the basketball courts with some buddies.
Travis and I haven’t spoken since the fight with Nathaniel last weekend. I sent a text the other day, but when he didn’t respond, I decided to give him a little space.Spaceisn’t exactly my forte, but he’s pissed, and I guess I get it, to an extent. Honestly, I don’t know what came over me on that trail when we were walking Nova. It’s been many years since I’ve gotten into a fight with somebody, but fuck, the way Nathaniel was acting around Travis made me see red. He didn’t even have enough respect for Travis to listen to what he was saying.
I know it seems hypocritical since I was the one he cheated on Travis with, but I fucking hate cheaters. Despise them, have no respect for them. I know all too well what it feels like to be on the receiving end of cheating. I can’t count how many times Robbie strayed in our relationship, only to get caught and swear it would never happen again.
It would always be the dumbest excuses too. He got too drunk and missed me too much. He was stressed at work and they were just there. We got into an argument, so it was my fault and I pushed him to do it. And I was pathetic and naive enough to believe him. To forgive him.
When you’re in a toxic, unhealthy, manipulative relationship, it’s so easy to lose yourself. Who I was before him, and who I am after him never would’ve fallen for his shit. Never would’ve put up with it. But when you’re in the thick of it, under the manipulation and the false pretense of love, and you’ve put time into something and you desperately want it to work, it’s easy to be fooled. It’s easy to be played.
Never again.
And I certainly never wanted to be the person who helped someone be who Robbie was to me. So, I guess, yes, today was maybe about what he did to Travis and it was maybe a little bit about claiming Travis for myself, but it was also for me, too. For him falsely leading me into helping destroy a relationship. Because even if I’ve never admitted it to Travis, I was furious by the time Travis left that house. And not because I was just whacked over the head with some hideous lamp that looked like it came straight out of the 1800s, but because of my part in all of it.
Sure, Travis deserves so much better than Nathaniel, and he’s better off now, but being part of the reason he got his heart broken is awful. And it’s obviously a huge part of why Travis thinks he hates me—or why hewantsto hate me.
Turning the faucet off, I climb out, wrapping myself in a towel. Nerves flutter around my stomach incessantly as my mind obsesses over tonight. I don’t know what to expect, and I think that’s what makes me the most nervous. Inviting Travis tonight was probably dumb. It was a way to get closer to him. To spend time with him outside of the bedroom. Cashing in on the bet to an event like the engagement party was the only way I could see him willingly spending an evening with me. My need to be around him is growing every time we hang out, and I’d like to think he feels the same, but he shuts me out any chance he gets, so I can’t be sure. I’m hoping tonight will help open him up a little more. Help him see me better. See that I’m not just the guy who fucked up his relationship.
To be fucking honest, I don’t understand the way I’m feeling at all, but it’s becoming harder to pretend, so why the fuck not embrace it?
I probably should’ve told Travis about Robbie, just so he has some sort of a heads up, but when he asked me why I invited him, I froze. Admitting to him that my ex-boyfriend, who royally fucked me up emotionally, will be there and how that thought makes my palms sweat and panic rise in my chest, felt too fucking vulnerable and embarrassing to admit out loud.
So, of course, I took the coward’s way out and told him nothing. It’s stupid, because if anyone would be able to relate and understand what I went through with Robbie, it’s Travis, but I’ve never talked to anybody about what happened with Robbie. Benny and Miguel, and even Doran, knew our relationship was shitty, and it ended badly, but they don’t know any details. I’m more of asuffer in silencetype.
Once I’m dressed, I throw some gel into my hair, and finish getting ready. I roll a couple of joints, figuring we can smoke one on the way there. Maybe the marijuana will help calm my nerves. I’m a fucking mess right now. My hands are trembling, my heart is racing. I fucking hate the effect Robbie still has on me to this day.
I’m not this person. The type who gets nervous around people, or who gets anxious about anything. I pride myself on being level-headed and unbothered. It’s fucking baffling how one person, one relationship, can fuck someone up to the point they don’t recognize themselves.
Strolling out into the living room, I grab my phone, unlocking it and seeing it’s time to leave. I blow out a heavy sigh, slipping my feet into my shoes.
It’ll only be a couple of hours. It’ll be fine.
I walk out into the hall, take the few steps over to Travis’s door, bringing my fist up to knock. It doesn’t take him but a few seconds to answer. Pure annoyance radiates from him, but I still allow myself a few moments to greedily take him in. He looks fantastic with his white and black polka dot short sleeve button-down shirt and navy-blue slacks. His dirty blond hair is styled in a messy, effortless way that has my fingers itching to run through the strands, and he’s wearing cologne that I’ve never smelled on him before, but it makes my mouth water.
“Ready?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes but doesn’t budge. “Do we really have to do this?”
“Yes,cariño. Now, let’s go.”
Grumbling, he grabs his coat off the hook behind him. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”
