My arm snakes out, wrapping around her shoulders as I haul her into my chest. “You’re such a fucking asshole,” she cries, arms coming up, hands pounding on my chest as she fights my hold. But I don’t let up. “So selfish! So fucking…God, why did you do this?”
One hand rubs her back, soothing circles as her body trembles with sobs, while my other holds the back of her head to my chest, her hair coming down and covering her tear-streaked face.
I don’t know how long we stand there like that, but eventually, her shoulders shake a little less, her breathing more controlled, and when she pulls away this time, I let her.
“So, what are we supposed to do now?” she asks, peering up at me. “Where do we go from here?”
I rake my fingers through my hair, hating that we have to have this conversation. Life would be so much easier if I wasn’t in love with Elias, and I could end this marriage of convenience on a pleasant note. Then I wouldn’t have to hurt anybody. But it seems like living a lie is no longer feasible.
“Well, there’s no rush,” I tell her. “I can go stay in a hotel for the foreseeable future while we figure shit out. I’m not going to leave you high and dry, Valerie.”
A sort of hiccup bubbles up her throat. “Yeah, but I can’t live in your house for the rest of my life either.”
“I’m not saying that, but we’ve been married three years now. It’ll take some time for us to figure out a plan. Please don’t shut me out. Let me help you.”
Her shoulders fall and she glances down at her hands. “I… I can’t do this tonight.” Gaze drifting up and connecting with mine, she says, “Can we talk about this maybe tomorrow after I’ve gotten some rest?”
I nod. “Of course.”
Valerie goes upstairs to take a shower, and while she does that, I pack an overnight bag. I wait until she’s out before actually leaving. We make a plan to meet again tomorrow once I’m off work to discuss this further before I head out for the night.
On my way to the hotel, I call Elias and tell him I’m not feeling well. I want to see him, but I also can’t bear the thought of possibly hurting another person tonight, or risk hurting myself more, if Elias doesn’t want to be with me after all. It’s better to be alone tonight, get some rest, and hopefully figure this shit out with a clearer mind tomorrow.
Chapter Forty-Two
Elias Carnell
Pulling the front door open, my eyes lift, meeting Zeke’s black gaze. “Hi,” I say softly, stepping aside to let him in.
It’s the first time we’ve seen each other in almost a week. After everything with my mom went down, and after Zeke ended up not coming over the night after, Katie and I decided it was a good idea to get out of town for a few days. We rented a house near the beach in Charleston. We could’ve easily gone to the ocean closer to home, but we both needed to clear our heads, and doing it out of town sounded better.
We spent the days lying in the sand, listening to the waves crash and the families play, and the nights sitting on the wraparound porch the rental had, drinking, snacking, and talking about our boy troubles. We laughed together, cried together, yelled at one another, ate until our stomachs could explode, drank until our heads were dizzy and our hearts sappy.
The trip was good for my soul, and I wished we could’ve stayed a little longer, but Katie had a couple of shoots she couldn’t reschedule. So alas, here I am, back at home.
Zeke kicks his shoes off before we head into the kitchen. I’m in the middle of making dinner—something I don’t do very often, but I’m trying to be better about not eating out every meal. Shit gets expensive. It’s nothing fancy; a chicken and veggie stir-fry, but it smells good.
That’s has to count for something, right?
The air around us is uneasy. I don’t think either of us knows how the other wants us to behave. Truth be told, I know I don’t know how to behave. I don’t know where his head’s at, and where we go from here. I’ve spoken to my mom twice since she left here, but never about anything serious.
I don’t know what’s going on with them. Or what’s going on with us. Can there even be an us? Or will we fizzle out and die? A fling that ran its course. These types of things never work out, though, do they? You don’t sleep with your mom’s husband and end up with the guy. It’s not how shit works. This isn’t the movies; some screwed up fairytale.
As much as I know this… know we probably can never be anything more than what we already were, it still hurts. Like pieces of my heart are being plucked away, little by little, until I can’t breathe. This uncertainty is draining the life from me.
Taking a seat at the table, he watches me silently while I finish up the meal. My music is playing softly;Any Loveby Dermot Kennedy humming at a quiet lull, the only thing making the silence between us slightly less uncomfortable.
Katie won’t be home; she’s out with a few girlfriends, but I almost wish she was to act as a type of buffer. She could at least fill the silence with her jabber. She’s good at that. Sometime between her initially finding out about Zeke and me, to our trip to the beach, she’s managed to thaw out slightly about us. She isn’t as angry about it. Not completely thrilled, but not totally closed off.
It’s a start.
The food is done, and I dish us up, grabbing us both a beer from the fridge. We sit and eat, still not saying anything other than him mumbling that the food tastes great. By the end of our meal, I’m starting to think this is the beginning to the end. Surely, if he’s this quiet, it’s because he came here to end things, but he can’t seem to find the words. Why else would he be so damn mute?
Just as I’m starting the dishes, I feel him behind me. His body is large, nearly as massive as his energy. He reaches around me, turning off the water, but I don’t move. Like a statue, I stay put, waiting to see what he does next. Hand on my shoulder, he drags it down and across my collarbone, slipping up around my throat as he forces my head back, gaze locked on his.
Without a word—apparently, we aren’t doing that tonight—he turns me around, lifting me until I’m sitting on the counter beside the sink. His hand cups my cheek, and I lean into the touch, not realizing until this very moment how much I needed it.
“I missed you.” His voice is deep, raspy. A shudder rolling down my spine as the words bloom inside of me, curling around my heart.
