I have never met someone who brings out such a primal, possessive side of me the way Elias does. I want to slaughter anybody who dare put their hands on him.
“Yeah? Or what, Zeke?” His eyes narrow into slits. “You gonna go marry my mom? Oh wait, you’re already fucking doing that. Now get the fuck out of my way, asshole.”
He tries to shove me away again, but like last time, doesn’t get far. My hand flies up, holding him in place by his throat as I force his chin up to look at me.
“I don’t want it to be this way.” The uncomfortable honesty comes out before I can stop it.
The aghast look that washes over his face matches how I feel. “Wh-what?” he asks softly, but hesitantly.
Fuck it. I’ve already come this far. May as well fuck it all the way up. Leaning down, mouth beside the shell of his ear, so close my bottom lip brushes against the lobe, with my voice barely above a whisper, I admit for the first time out loud, “If I could change how things turned out, Elias, I would. But I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it, no matter how much I wish it could be different.”
And as if I hadn’t already let the liquor and my guilty conscience say too much, I add for good measure, “I still think about the way you felt wrapped around me.” His breath hitches. “I dream of the way you smelled that night. The way your skin tasted on my tongue—sweet, a little salty. Forbidden, but in the very best way.
“It haunts me, and if I could go back, even if just for one minute, I would, because the way you feel, the way you smell and taste, the way you made me feel in just one night is something I’ve been chasing my whole life. But life isn’t always fair, and we don’t always get things the way we want them, but I need you to know, I never wanted it to be this way.”
Turning his head, Elias nuzzles his face in my neck, his warm, shaky breath dancing across the flesh. Neither of us says anything. What is there even to say? None of what just came out of my mouth should’ve ever been spoken into existence, today or any other day.
Before I know what I’m doing, my lips press down on his neck, his pulse racing beneath my touch, body trembling against mine. I drop my forehead onto his shoulder.
This is so wrong.
I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be here with him. But he feelssoright, and Christ, I don’t want to stop.
Timid fingers thread through my hair, and before I know it, hungry lips crash against mine. The floodgates have opened, and I don’t know if they’ll ever be able to close again. His lips part as my tongue sweeps inside, tasting a voracious desire that matches my own. My hands roam his body, and his tighten their grip as we give in to the temptation and need that’s been radiating under the surface for months now.
We give in to it tonight, because when the sun rises tomorrow, everything will go back to how it has to be. He and I, we can never be anything more than fleeting memories and stolen moments in the dark.
No matter how much I wish it could be different.
Chapter Twenty-One
Elias Carnell
“I’m getting up. Either of you need a refill?” Katie eyes Jordan and me as she stands in the doorway between the sunroom and the house.
“I’ll take another Truly,” I reply, handing her my empty can, grinning when she rolls her eyes about having to throw my trash away.
“I’m good,” Jordan offers. “I gotta head home soon anyway.”
When I woke up this morning, I knew I needed to get the fuck out of the house for a while. Didn’t care what I did, I just knew it needed to be done not at home. It’s been almost a week since the incident in my bedroom happened with Zeke. Almost a week of tense silence and extreme awkwardness.
I spent the first few days sulking in my room; not leaving unless I needed to use the bathroom or grab food. Mom thought I was coming down with something. And I was… guilt. I sucked my mom’s husband off while she was asleep two doors down. Who the fuck does something like that?
And more than that… what kind of person enjoys it? Because the guilt I’m feeling certainly isn’t coming from regret. Just like I told Zeke before we kissed on the stairs… I tried like hell to fight the urge because I knew I wouldn’t feel bad about it, and that lack of regret would make me feel guilty.
I’m ashamed of how I feel, and I’m trying like hell to avoid the entire situation, like that could somehow make it all disappear. I’m living between this dilutional reality, where if I ignore these feelings and what we’ve done, it’ll suddenly be like it never happened. I love my mom, and I’ve always wanted her happiness to come first… so, why is it that these feelings I have for Zeke seem to overshadow that?
When I woke up to texts from Katie and Jordan asking if I wanted to hang out today, I said yes to both, because anything is better than sitting at home for another day.
Jordan shoves his phone back into his pocket, resting his arm on the back of the couch as he faces me. “You excited for the party tomorrow?”
Apparently, every year, Zeke hosts a Fourth of July party at his house for his friends and people from work. I knew the party was coming up, but I didn’t know until last week that Alvarez Oil employees would be there… aka Jordan.
Not that I don’t want him there. I enjoy hanging out with him, and I can’t even lie and say I didn’t have fun at his house, but I’m worried about how it’s going to go with Zeke there. He’s not exactly a mellow guy, and he’s made it perfectly clear more than once he doesn’t want me hanging out with Jordan.
The brat in me is ecstatic. It’s a chance to ruffle his feathers. Piss him off and make him squirm. But the logical side of me—the side that clearly never seems to appear in his presence—is worried about causing a scene. Having someone catch on. That is the very last thing either of us need.
What we bothreallyneed is to stay the fuck away from each other. Living under the same roof is proving to be risky, if the other night in my bedroom is any indication.
