Rowan: Why’s that?
Instead of responding to that, I send him a song that makes me think of him every time I hear it—Talkby Hozier. Like me, Rowan speaks with songs, and I love that about him. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I feel a deep, spiritual connection with music and the way it makes me feel, so to find people who enjoy it just as much as I do is a nice feeling.
Rowan: Love that song. Hozier is on a different level. He could make grocery lists sound sensual.
I snort at that because he’s right.
He sends a song back with a winky face emoji and the melting face emoji, which makes me smile as I click on the link. ORYL’sHighfilters through the speakers on my phone, a chill racking down my spine. The lyrics remind me of the last time we were together. The bath, his gentle hands, the care overflowing from his eyes. Then after, the way we fucked. The way he felt, the waywefelt together. How my chest ached with the strength of my feelings for him.
One song, and all of that comes rushing back.
Me: Meet up with me.
Rowan: Right now?
Me: Yes.
Rowan: Where?
Me: My hotel?
Rowan: Okay… send me the address and I’ll be there.
* * *
By some miracle,I’m able to get back to my room before he makes it here. As quickly as humanly possible, I change into fresh clothes and throw on some deodorant. I probably smell like a dirty sock after the show.
A soft knock sounds at the door, and my pulse races. My body is thrumming with nerves. It’s a feeling I’m not used to. I still can’t pinpoint what it is about Rowan that demolishes all of my resolve, all of my barriers. He destroys them, and he doesn’t even realize it.
I pull open the door, trying to steel my shaky hands. Rowan stands there in the hall in what looks like pajama pants and a faded Wicked Hearts band tee. Something about seeing him in my merch makes my stomach flip. Stepping aside, he walks in, his scent wafting all around. He smells a little different from when we were at Black Diamond, but that could be because he’s using his own body wash and shampoo now, instead of the facility provided brand.
He smells warm and fresh, tropical, with a scent mixed in that is all his own.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask, walking over to the bar area.
“Uh, sure. Thanks.”
He looks as nervous as I feel in the way he stands there stiffly, hands shoved into the pockets of his fleece pajamas.
I nod toward the sliding door. “If you want, I can make the drinks while you take a seat out on the balcony. We can talk out there.”
Rowan nods, wordlessly disappearing outside while I make us something to drink. I go with a simple rum and Coke.
Once outside, I hand him his glass, taking a seat beside him. There’s a breeze, making the air feel slightly chilly, but it’s not uncomfortable. I grab my phone out of my pocket, turning on some music, setting it down on the small table that separates the two chairs. Bringing my glass up to my lips, I take a long sip, willing my body to fucking relax a little bit.
“How’re you feeling about the tour so far?” Rowan asks softly.
“Really fucking good.” I glance over at him, finding him already watching me. A thing about Rowan is that he always makes me feel like he hears what I have to say. I never feel like I have half his attention. “The response from the fans has been amazing, and almost all of the shows are sold out.”
“That’s awesome.” He smiles at me. I feel it everywhere. “I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”
The song switches over toEternally Yoursby Motionless In White, the air around us shifting. The electricity between us is palpable, the tension thick. It’s enough to choke me. Every part of my body is screaming at me to close the distance, take him the way I know he’s dying to be taken. But my heart is telling me we need to talk about the elephant in the room before I can allow myself to go there again. Because once I do, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Tell me what happened at Black Diamond.”
Rowan rubs his lips together, swallowing hard. “I just don’t think it’s what you thought it was, Cas.”
“So, tell me. I’m listening now.”
