“What?” she says, feigning innocence. “Okay, maybe I was a little selfish, but I think you both had a good time.”
“I certainly did,” Oliver says, eyeing me.
I clear my throat and sit back, taking a hit off the joint. “Yeah. It was fine.”
“Fine,” Vic says with a snort. “This guy.” She looks at Oliver while she jerks her thumb at me.
“I’m game to try to make it more than fine,” Oliver says, his tongue dashing across his bottom lip. “If you want to give it another go.”
My heart rate spikes.
“Th—there’s not really anything else that could happen that would make it better.”
His brow arches perfectly. “You don’t think so?”
I glance at Victoria who’s just casually watching this conversation happen without adding anything to it.
“I’m gonna go use the bathroom.”
I stand up and pass the joint to Vic before I walk through the sliding glass doors, making my way to the bathroom. Not because I need to use it, but because I need to get away.
I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering what the hell’s gotten into me, because when he first suggested doing it again, a thrill of excitement ran through me. Not only that, but he has a way of looking at me that catches me unaware. I’m always left frozen, staring back, studying everything about him. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t ran a few things back after our threesome last week. I’ve definitely thought about how he sucked my fingers into his mouth. And I’ll never forget how his cock felt against mine while Vic sucked us both.
I try to convince myself it’s all because Victoria was there. I was turned on and horny for her. But the weight of his body in my lap was new. I’m always with girls much smaller than me. His size was…interesting.
“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself before turning on the faucet.
Before I can put my hands in the water, there’s a knock on the door.
“Vic, look, I don’t wanna—” I stop short when I see that it’s not Vic. “Oliver.”
“Hey.” He leans his shoulder on the door jam. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I don’t mean to be pushy, but I…” he trails off, his eyes moving down my body once more before focusing on my face. “I don’t know. I don’t have an excuse. I’m sorry. I’m gonna head home.”
He pushes away from the frame and takes a step back.
“Wait.”
I don’t know what I mean to say next, only that I don’t want him to leave. Something’s happening in my body that I don’t understand. I want him to leave and never want to see him again. I want him closer—so close we’re touching and breathing the same air. I want more. I want to go back to a week and two days ago when I didn’t know he existed.
Mainly, I don’t want to be confused anymore. I want to know, without a doubt, what it is that I like.
When I was a kid, I made what I thought was an innocent comment to my parents about a boy I thought was cute. After that, I was forced tooverhearconversations about the problem with gay people. And as I got older, I became the victim of my parents’ weird mission to make sure I still found girls attractive by saying things like,“Isn’t Jessica so pretty?”
However, I do find women attractive. I always have. I’ve forced myself to not think about guys at all. If I pretend I don’t look at some of them the same way I look at women I’m attracted to, then we’re good.
Being close to Oliver in such an intimate scene was hard for me, but not because I was weirded out, but because I was curious. I was intrigued. I wanted to try things, but I can’t let anyone know.
I know Vic wouldn’t judge me, but telling one person opens up the door to questions and forces me to talk about everything. I want to ignore it completely.
“Are you okay?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I take a tentative step toward him. “Um. I’m not—”
“Into guys. I know. I’m so—”
“No,” I say, cutting him off, and taking another step forward. “I wasn’t uncomfortable the way you might think.”
“Okay,” he replies slowly, watching me carefully. “So…”
