Jules locks the door, dragging me into his arms, holding on to me like I’m his lifeline. Whiskey and sweat mix with his usual aroma as it floods my senses, my body easily relaxing in his hold. I feel a sense of safety every time I find myself in his arms, one I’ve never felt before. Like maybe the world can’t hurt me if I stay right here, wrapped up in him.
We stay tangled up in each other for a while. My head on his chest, his heartbeat pounding in my ear. Eventually, he pulls away, taking my hand again and leading me to his bed. It’s everything I thought Jules’s bed would be in the limited times I’ve allowed myself to think about it. It’s tall and huge, like himself, with stone gray bedding, fluffy and soft. It’s disheveled. I’m guessing he’s been lying in it, drinking, if the empty rocks glass on the ceramic coaster atop the nightstand is any indication.
He climbs on it, bringing the comforter up on his lap. His eyes, full of sadness, find mine.
Letting out a shaky breath, I ask, “What am I doing here, Jules?”
He offers me a barely-there smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Lorelei is braindead,” he whispers finally, eyes cast down on his lap.
I can’t even hide the shock on my face or in my tone. “What?!”
“She has been for a little over a year now.” Clearing his throat, he continues. “She used to take pretty strong sleeping pills. Her insomnia was bad. Anyway, one night she woke up. It was late. I don’t know what she was doing or where she was going. Maybe she was sleep-walking, who knows.”
He pauses, a daunting silence descending on us. My pulse is racing, heart beating so fast, I’m positive he can hear it from where he’s sitting. I climb onto the bed finally, sitting beside him, slipping my hand cautiously into his. For moral support, maybe, or to remind him I’m here. I don’t know, but I do it because it feels right.
“She fell down the stairs,” he offers quietly. “The fall woke me up, and I ran to find her. I called 9-1-1 immediately, and they took her to the hospital. During the fall, or maybe right after, she suffered a stroke.”
My throat clogs with emotion, feeling way too tight. “Jules…”
“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “I’ve made my peace with it. My point in telling you this, is that while she’s here, she’s not. At least, not really.”
“Is that why you asked me to come over?”
Jules turns to face me, but I can’t look at him. “I asked you to come over because I needed to feel you beside me. I asked you to come over because you calm my mind.” His finger hooks under my chin, forcing me to meet his chocolate gaze. “I asked you to come here because, despite what you’d prefer to believe, I mean what I say, and I need you, Bodhi. I need you.”
Those three words wrap around the battered organ in my chest, gripping like a vice until I can’t breathe. I glance over at him, the sorrow in his eyes staggering. “How can I help you feel better?”
Whether it has to do with Lorelei or not, something clearly happened today to set him off. I’ve never seen him look as distraught as he does right now. The only thing I have to offer him, that could even remotely make him feel better, is sex, but right now isn’t the time for that.
“Can you…” He looks down at his lap before meeting my gaze again. “Can you just hold me? For tonight?”
Left feeling dumbfounded, I nod, and we lie down. Jules pulls the covers up over us, and he rests his head on my chest. My arms go around him, fingers finding his hair and running through it over and over gently. We say nothing, but it isn’t uncomfortable. We don’t need to say anything.
Eventually, he curls up tighter beside me, and says, “Please promise you won’t leave me.”
My pulse roars in my ears, not knowing what to say. It’s not a promise I can make, but I don’t want to hurt him when he’s already down.
“Promise me, Bodhi,” he repeats, voice thick with exhaustion.
“I promise.” It’s a lie. I know it’s a lie, but I can’t tell the truth.
His breathing evens out, and I close my eyes to try to get some sleep too, but before I can, Jules groggily mumbles four words that turn my world upside down, running my blood cold.
“I love you, Bodhi.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Bodhi King
“I love you, Bodhi.”
Those words have been ricocheting inside my head like a ping-pong ball since Jules mumbled them moments before passing out last night. I got home about twenty minutes ago, after I managed to sneak out of his room without waking him. Sleep never came for me. While I listened to the soft snores coming from Jules, with his head on my chest, I laid there with a pounding heart.
A knock sounds at my bedroom door, followed by Elias poking his head inside. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
