I’m tired, and not even in a physical sense. I’m emotionally and mentally fucking drained. Getting out of bed in the morning is a task much harder than it should be, and if it weren’t for my obsessive worry that I’ll end up fat Bodhi again, I wouldn’t run because that’s too much energy. I can’t even say when the last full meal was that I ate.
Work is near impossible lately. Giselle is probably so sick of my shit and all my excuses, not that she would ever say that to me. I haven’t taken a client in weeks, and I’ve never been more thankful for my overflowing savings than I am right now.
It’s like I’m watching myself spiral from a distance, but I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s the dream where you’re trying to run away, but you can’t get your feet to move, or you’re trying to scream for help, but no sound comes out.
I’ve lost my sound.
“Bodhi!” I’m snapped out of my self-pity by Camden’s voice across the pool table. “Earth to Bodhi.”
“What’s up?”
“Do you want to play? I just whooped Elias’s ass.” A blinding smirk forms on his face, the dimple under his eye peeking out from beneath his tortoise-shell glasses.
“Nah, I’m good,” I murmur.
“You sure?”
I nod.
“Alright, let’s go sit at one of the booths, then. I feel like we haven’t all been in the same place in way too long.”
It’s true. With the holidays coming up and finals approaching, we’ve all had our own shit keeping us busy.
Elias grabs us another pitcher of Bud Light while Cam and I find a booth. We slide in, and I know he’s about to ask his never-ending, nosy ass questions, so I hit him with one first to put off having to answer his.
“How’s things with you and Vaughn?”
Vaughn wasn’t my favorite person when he first started coming around a few months ago, but I have to admit, he’s grown on me. We’ve gone on a couple of runs together early in the morning when he’s stayed over, and as much as I was certain he was using Camden to get ahead in the industry, it became crystal clear that wasn’t the case.
Camden’s face twists up like he’s sucked on a lemon. “Eh, nothing’s really going on. Not since he left last week after the hospital. I told him I needed some time.”
“Why the hell did you do that?”
Camden found himself in a little internet stalker situation recently. Some guy that Elias knew through yoga was subscribed to Camden’s OnlyFans account and somehow figured out who he was and slipped him some date rape drugs. Thankfully, nothing happened—that Camden can recall—and we were able to get to him.
Vaughn was a big part in making sure he was okay, and he stayed for several days following Cam coming home.
Elias slides into the booth with the pitcher in hand, setting it on the table.
“I’m not good at this shit,” Camden offers. “I don’t do feelings, and everything about Vaughn is a whole lot of them.”
“Yeah, but you’re eventually going to have to let him in,” Elias chimes in, bringing a glass up to his lips and taking a sip. “Are you honestly going to keep pretending you don’t care about him?”
“When did this become all about me?” Camden laughs, clearly uncomfortable. “What about you two secret keepers?”
I keep my mouth shut while Elias scoffs. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, Cam.”
Camden rolls his eyes as he downs some of his beer. “Right, right. I must be imagining shit.”
In my pocket, my phone vibrates. Pulling it out, warmth runs through my body as I take in the name calling me.
Jules.
Pressing ignore, I put it back in my pocket. Except it immediately rings again.
What the hell?
“Hey, guys, I’ll be right back,” I say to them as I slide out of the booth, grabbing my phone out of my pocket again. One of them mutters something to my back, but it’s muted to my ears. My hand trembles as I answer, bringing the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”
