Ryan isn’t up yet.
It’s barely past seven in the morning, but I’ve already been up for an hour. Physically, I’m sore. Really sore. Especially my ass. Mentally, I’m on cloud nine. What Ryan and I did last night was something I never thought would happen. Hell, I never even allowed myself to fantasize about it because that’s how nonexistent I thought the possibility was.
I don’t have a clue what this means for us, or if it will happen again, but I sure as fuck hope it does. Once I got past the pain, it was incredible. He was incredible.
After we had sex on the couch, we went to his bed and passed out. Between what happened at home and then what we did, I was pretty exhausted.
Slipping quietly out of bed, I head toward the bathroom. My bladder has been screaming at me to empty it for the last hour, and I finally can’t hold it any longer. After washing my hands, I splash some cold water on my face. The bags under my eyes are gaunt and dark, and my lips are dry. Probably from the puking. Making a mental note to pick up some Chapstick at the store, I leave the bathroom, heading back to the room.
Ryan’s sitting up when I step inside, knees up, head cradled in his hands. Maybe hungover.
“Hey, you’re up.” I slip back under the covers beside Ryan, turning on my side to face him.
He says nothing, just huffs out a grunt in response.
“You okay?” My pulse kicks up, roaring in my ears, as an uncomfortable pit forms in my gut.
“I’m fine,” he grumbles, finally glancing over at me. “Look, I think it’d be best if you go home.”
“What?” My chest constricts, and I can’t breathe. “Why? Is something wrong?”
“Is something wrong?” He narrows his eyes, gawking at me incredulously. “Are you seriously asking me that right now, Bodhi? What’s wrong is that we… we, fuck! We did what we did last night!”
“I don’t understand…” My mind races, trying to piece together why he’s acting like this. A bitter taste forms on the back of my tongue. I try to swallow, but I can’t get it to go away.
“Bodhi,” he blows out, standing off the bed as he starts to pace. “We… I…” Fingers thrusting into his messy bed-head hair, he yanks on the strands before stopping to look at me. “I had sex… with you.” The words are nothing but a whisper, a razor sharp one.
“I know…” When he doesn’t further elaborate, I say, “It’s okay, what we—”
He cuts me off. “No, it’s fucking not okay. None of this is okay!”
“If this is because I’m a virgin—”
“You are a virgin?!”
“Well, I was.”
“Goddamnit!” he shouts. “None of this is okay. I’m not fucking gay, Bodhi. I’m. Not. Gay.”
Oh, no.
Please, God, do not let this be going where it sounds like it’s going.
Please, please, please.
Pressure builds behind my eyes. I blink desperately, trying to get them to go away as I try to figure out a way to calm him down, make him see it’s all okay.
“Ryan—”
“No, Bodhi! Just shut the fuck up. How could you fucking do this?”
“How could I do this?” Is he serious? “You participated just as much as I did. What do you mean?”
My throat is strained as I try to keep from letting the tears fall. The last thing I want to do in front of him right now is cry.
“Fuck!” At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of his parents came down here with how loud he’s being. “That was a mistake, Bodhi. A mistake. It can never happen again; do you hear me?”
“D-don’t say that.” Despite my best efforts, my vision blurs, a single tear falling down my cheek. “Ryan…”
