“You okay?” he asks softly, not looking at me, but instead out the window like I am.
I try really hard to keep my fucked up shit out of sight from him and Camden, but I know I don’t always do a good job. Thankfully, both of them seem to know how uncomfortable it makes me to discuss it head on. They have an uncanny way of comforting me without smothering me, and it’s something I appreciate more than they’ll probably ever know.
“Not really,” I reply honestly.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.”
Elias is quiet for a moment, watching the storm causing chaos outside. “I’m hooking up with somebody I shouldn’t,” he finally says, barely above a whisper. “Somebody married.”
My head snaps in his direction, not at all expecting that to come from him. “Excuse me?”
Nodding, he adds, “And I have been for a while.”
“You’re having an affair? With who?”
He chews on his lower lip. “I don’t want to say, because once I say who, I know I’ll have to stop. And I’m not ready to stop.”
“Then why are you telling me at all?”
“I needed to get it off my chest and tellsomeone, and you look like you could use someone to talk to. Maybe if I open up to you, you’ll open up to me. You know I’m here for you, right? No matter what.”
The sincerity in his voice cuts me like a razor blade. It makes my throat clog and my chest ache. He’s never said the words out loud like this, but I knew regardless. I’m just terrible at opening up to people. It never ends well for me, so I learned early on to bottle everything up. But… maybe Icanlet him in. Maybe he’ll have some perspective I haven’t thought of yet. If anything, I can at least get the words out, so maybe they’ll stop haunting me.
Blowing out a shaky breath, I glance over at him before looking back outside. “I slept with Jules the other night.”
“Who’s Jules?”
“The guy who was here when you came home that one time.”
“Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “The hot as fuck older guy who had you pinned to our wall? Got it. What’s so bad about that? Did it suck?”
“No, it was fucking incredible. That’s the problem.”
“Why is great sex a problem?”
I drag my eyes toward him to find him already watching me. “He’s the dad of my old high school best friend.”
“Oh…” His brows raise as his lips form a dramatic ‘O’ shape.
“And he’s married,” I add, because why the fuck not.
“Shiiit, Bo.” Repositioning himself, he rests the side of his head against the window, peering over at me. “We’re just a pair of homewreckers, huh?”
An unexpected chuckle bubbles out of me, making me feel lighter than I have in weeks. “That’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny, my friend,” he retorts. “So, why’d it happen, then?”
It’s the question I knew was coming, but was dreading. It’s the question I’ve been asking myself since the morning after. “Because I’m fucked up, and deep down, even if I never wanted to admit it to myself, I wanted it to happen.” Exhaling, I add, “And also, because I popped molly before meeting him for dinner.” The last part is said in a rush, and I look away from him the moment his eyes widen. Not only was going there that night a bad idea—one I knew good and well was a bad idea—but taking molly was even more stupid. It’s not a surprise to anybody that drugs like molly lower your inhibitions and make you do things you normally wouldn’t do. I should’ve known taking that before going would ultimately lead to me hooking up with him.
Maybe deep down, I did it for that exact reason. Maybe on a fully subconscious level, I wanted to have sex with Jules but knew the only way I could let myself do it was under the influence of a mind-altering drug.
How pathetic.
“What?! Why’d you do that? And where’d you get the molly? I have so many questions.” There’s humor in his tone. Which I suppose is better than judgement.
“I don’t fucking know why I did it. Maybe to relax my nerves and not be so awkward during dinner. And I got it from a guy at school.”
