“You want to get hookah, food, and drinks? Pierre is watching the kids. He told me to see if you wanted to hang out.”
“Sure. Give me like ten minutes to close up.”
I was thankful for the invitation. I didn’t plan to get drunk, but I wanted to get tipsy enough that I wouldn’t have too much of a problem falling asleep once I got in bed. Most nights, I was tired, but my brain wouldn’t get out of overthink mode, and that made it hard for me to sleep. On one hand, I was proud of myself for not using alcohol to cope but on the other hand, I was sad and wishing that I could do something to numb the pain. It didn’t help that my due date for my last pregnancy was approaching. On that day, I’d be reminded that I was out here in the world with no baby, no man, and not in the hospital giving birth. I wouldn’t get to hold, smell, and love on my child. I’d be sad for a day or two and then prayerfully, it would pass. But without the lean, I couldn’t be too sure.
Nina and I ended up at a chill spot, and there was a nice crowd. There were what appeared to be ‘working men’ along with a few YN’s (young niggas). Nina and I had only been seated for ten minutes when a guy at the bar sent drinks over to us. Every ten minutes or so, we had to curve men.
“I can’t believe that men are approaching you, and you have that huge rock on your finger. Some men have no shame,” I shook my head and sipped from my second strawberry Hennessy.
“Girl,” Nina rolled her eyes. “Some truly don’t care, and that’s crazy to me. Men and women do it because I know Pierre’s wedding band isn’t stopping anything. In fact, I think some women are way thirstier than men. It comes with the territory, I guess, but it’s disrespectful.”
“You and Pierre doing a honeymoon?”
“Yes. I didn’t care about a big wedding, but I absolutely need to get away. He has a lot on his plate. You know him and Wilde were trying to start a business, but he wants to get Wilde a lawyer, and now we’re married. I told him we can just go somewhere like the Bahamas. A place that’s beautiful where we can still have fun, but it’s not super expensive. After all the hell he’s put me through, I should make him take me to Dubai,” she rolled her eyes, making me chuckle.
Having someone was nice. Everyone deserved to find their person, but if toxicity, lies, deceit, and cheating were a part of the equation maybe being single was best. As much as I wanted a child, I didn’t want to be in Wilde’s baby’s mama’s position or even KoKo’s. Even when things hurt or were disappointing, I had to keep telling myself that what’s meant to be will be. I didn’t have those babies for a reason. It just wasn’t time, and maybe it would never be the time. Despite how I was initially feeling, Nina and I had a good time.
I didn’t have any trouble falling asleep, but I ended up having a dream about Wilde that had me literally crying in my sleep. I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart, but all I could do was hope that this too would pass.
Three daysafter I visited Wilde, Pierre showed up at the shop, and I was surprised to see him. “Hey,” I spoke slowly, wondering why he was there.
Pierre pulled an envelope from his back pocket, and it was stuffed to capacity. “Wilde wanted me to give you this.”
I looked down at the envelope then back up at his face. “Why?”
“He wants you to have it. I didn’t ask any questions.”
I could only assume it was money. “No, I’m doing good. I can’t take his money. He needs a lawyer.”
“I got that. That’s under control. You can refuse it, but he’s just gonna keep sending me back up here.”
“Well, tell him however much this is, I’m going to use it to invest in my business. So, when I’m putting money on his books, it’ll be from a return on his investment.” I knew he was trying to go legit before he got arrested.
Pierre bobbed his head. “You’re good people. I knew you had to be something special when you made that hardheaded, stubborn, emotionless, ass nigga fall for you. He really likes you, Wonder.”
“I know.” I swallowed hard.
“And I want to say thank you. I never wanted you to get mixed up in my bullshit. KoKo is your people, and Nina really likes you. I never knew it would go down like that. I’m a screwup. I’ll never deny that, but I love Nina. I never set out to hurt KoKo, either.”
“I don’t like knowing things and not telling Nina, but none of it is my business or my place to say. I hate that I’m in the middle of it, too, but it’s not my business. Any of it.”
“I’m going to get it together for Nina,” Pierre promised. “And I’m going to take care of my baby. I just pray Nina doesn’t leave me for it.”
I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. I gave him a small smile, and he looked around the garage. “I know some cats in a car club out in Durham. I’m going to get you some more business. You be easy. And just give Wilde some time.”
I nodded. I had no intentions of breaking up with Wilde but since he chose to break up with me, I wasn’t sure what I was giving him time for. If he didn’t want contact with me because it was too hard for him, then I could only respect it. When I was done working, I stopped by the grocery store to get some fruit, breakfast foods, and food to cook for dinner. I didn’t count the money Pierre gave me until I got in my car after work, and I was stunned when I counted $25,000. Wilde was something special for sure. My heart sank at the realization that I may never feel him inside me again. I may never kiss those lips again.
My heart ached, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it except feel it. I rarely checked my mailbox. It had been about four days since I’d done so. When I opened the box and saw a letter from Wilde, my heart drummed in my chest. I couldn’t even wait to get inside of my apartment. I sat in my car outside the mail room and ripped the letter open.
G,
I hope you haven’t been spending the last few days crying. I’m so sorry, baby. Knowing you’re out there hurting is killing me. I fucked up. I really did, and you shouldn’t have to suffer because of that. Go have some babies and be cherished by aman that’s worthy of you, G. You were my first girlfriend ever in life. You’re a special ass woman, lol. Leaving you out in the world has to be my karma for all the years I’ve been a certified asshole. There’s nothing I can do but take that shit on the chin. I can never stay down for long. It’s not in me, but I’ll regret fumbling you until the day I die. You deserve an abundance of blessings, G, and I refuse to block them for you. Just know you made a nigga feel something he never felt before. I wish I would have kissed you more, fucked you harder, and hugged you tighter when I had the chance. Go blossom, G. Do it for me.
That nigga,
Wilde.
I readWilde’s letter a good four times. I didn’t even know I was crying until tears dropped off my chin and landed on the paper I was holding. I closed my eyes and tried to remember his scent. That smile. His kisses. At least he had reached out to me, and he cared enough not to leave things the way they were. I was still sad, but I knew that him breaking up with me was for my own good and that he was hurting, too. I prayed for Wilde every night, but I knew firsthand that prayers weren’t always answered in the way that we wanted them answered.
