Of course, people were saying that Drew and Wilde were beefing over me. Of course, it was going to be my fault. My sadness turned into anger because why was this put on me? They were beefing way before I even knew who Wilde was. Wilde didn’t strike me as a social media kind of person, but he needed to clear things up. My annoyance was enough to make me grab my car keys and walk out the door. According to the news, it had been ten hours since the shootings occurred. When the article listed the names of the deceased, Wilde wasn’t one of them. I prayed he was still alive and in good condition.
The smell of hospitals made me nauseous. I hated them. I hated how people could be admitted because they were sick or simply not feeling their best and never make it back home. My nerves were on ten as I walked down the long corridor. I noticed Wilde’s mother and grandmother outside his room door before I reached the room. When I got closer, they looked over at me and smiled.
“Hey, baby,” his grandmother spoke first then his mother.
“Hi.” I smiled at both of them. I could smell the alcohol seeping out of his mother’s pores. They didn’t appear angry with me, so that made me feel a little better. “I came to see how Wilde is doing.”
His grandmother sighed. “He’s Wilde. Grumpy as hell. He doesn’t like taking medication, so he’s trying to fight through the pain without it, and he’s ill as a rattle snake.” She shook her head. “We’re about to go visit Pierre. He just out of surgery.”
“Tell him I said hello.” I gave them a small smile and slowly pushed Wilde’s door open. He could be an asshole when he wasn’t in pain, so I braced myself for what was to come.
His head was propped up on two pillows, and he was watching television with a slight scowl on his face.
“Hey.” I spoke in a soft tone.
“What up, G?”
My eyes darted over his body. His shoulder was bandaged. He appeared alert and pretty stable, so that was a relief. I walked over to the bed. “What happened?”
“I was chilling in Pierre’s lil’ trap spot, and niggas just came through the door bussin’ their guns. My shit was in the car, so all I could do was hit the floor, but I got hit in the process. They didn’t know there was someone in the back of the house, so our people came out shooting, and shit went left.”
“Drew’s people are saying he died behind beefing over pussy. I knew this was going to happen.”
“Fuck them,” Wilde spat. “Who cares what they think?”
“I do because it’s my name on the line. You and Drew had beef before me. And the whole idea of us was fabricated by you. It’s not fair that it’s falling back on me, and now I look like a hoe that messed with her ex’s enemy.”
“Peep this, G,” Wilde flicked the tip of his nose. “I got shot twice because that pussy nigga came for me. Our beef is behind him lying on my cousin. I’m the one in a hospital bed, and if people really want to think I was beefing with that man over a female, let their slow, simple asses think that. I couldn’t care less.”
“Well, we’re two different people.”
“Fuck out my face on that bullshit, G,” he growled. “I’m in pain, and you in this muhfucka talking stupid. Fuck that dead ass nigga and fuck his family. Don’t speak another word to me about Drew or what people are saying.”
I glared at him with my nostrils flaring for a few seconds before pivoting and leaving the room. Wilde made me mad enough to spit nails sometimes. How was I wrong because I didn’t want my character tarnished due to a silly game that he wanted to play. I was over the entire situation and even though he was a certified asshole, I was glad that Wilde was going to be okay. Knowing him hadn’t been completely bad because he pushed me to stop drinking lean. It took four days for me to completely feel like myself again. Four days of sweating, being irritable, not having an appetite, and having the runs. Four days of what felt like the flu on steroids. There were even times I’d be falling asleep, and my body would jerk, making me wake up abruptly. I wasn’t sure what that was about, but my lesson had been learned. I never wanted another sip of lean for as long as I lived. The sight of Sprite even disgusted me.
I could honestly see why it was hard for so many people to stop abusing drugs and alcohol. Deciding to stop wasn’t the hard part. It was the withdrawals that would make a person change their mind and go back to using. I had been so focused on the symptoms of withdrawals that I hadn’t had time to be sad or depressed, but I was feeling better, and I knew I would have my days. I was trying to be proactive and learn how to handle my emotions in healthy ways. Drinking alcohol wasn’t something that I was giving up, but I was for sure going to only drink in moderation and not to numb myself. I refused to trade in one bad habit for another. It had been a week since I had any codeine, weed, or alcohol, and I felt pretty good. That is, until I got the news about Drew and Wilde.
I would just have to develop thick skin because I knew Wilde wasn’t going to clear anything up. People were going to think whatever they wanted to think, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
The next evening,KoKo was sitting on the floor in my living room, and I was cutting out her weave. KoKo had been at my apartment for a total of twenty minutes, and she was unusually quiet. Normally, if something was bothering her, she didn’t hesitate to tell me what it was, but she was keeping it in, and I wasn’t going to pry. I was sure that she was worried about Pierre. Even if they weren’t serious, I could tell that KoKo really liked him, and I hated that. I loved KoKo, but I had taken a liking to Nina, and I didn’t think I was wrong for that. I could meet new people and make new friends. That was a normal part of life.
“I’m not drinking because I just got over the stomach flu,” I lied. “But, I’ll fix you a drink if you want something.”
“No, I’m good,” KoKo replied in a somber tone as her phone rang, and she almost broke her thumb answering the call. “Hello?” her voice was full of hope. “What you mean? I’ve been calling because I was worried, and it’s not like I could come up there.”
She was talking to Pierre.
“Oh, so now she’s been answering your phone. You know what? I don’t give a damn. I know Nina has your kids, but you give her way too much authority over your life for you and her not to be fucking.”
I could hear Pierre yelling through the phone, but I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying.
“Now y’all back together?” she chuckled angrily. “Well, tell that goofy bitch you have a baby on the way.” KoKo ended the call, and my heart slammed into my ribcage.
I prayed she was lying, but when she jumped up and ran to the bathroom, I knew she wasn’t. I was so disappointed, and itwasn’t because I liked Nina. I just wanted better for my friend, and Pierre wasn’t it. He may have been a toxic liar, but it seemed as if Nina was his person, and they had an unhealthy connection that no one else could disrupt. I gave KoKo a few minutes to herself, and then I went to go check on her. Using my knuckles, I tapped the bathroom door.
“Hey, boo. You good?”
KoKo didn’t give a verbal response, but after a few seconds, she opened the door with red eyes. “I’m so stupid.”
