But was that the truth?
Hadn’t there been a small part of him, a part that Octavio had immediately tamped down, that had heard her words as one might see a perfect ray of light piercing thick, grey clouds? Hadn’t there been a part of him—the part that his childhood had all but destroyed—that had wanted to revive and delight in what she was offering him?
He dropped his head forward on a rush of disbelief and determination. There was no way he would be so stupid as to let that part of him grow, however. Octavio knew what he wanted in life, he knew how to get it, and most importantly, he knew what Phoebe and his marriage were. This wasn’t about love.
It wasn’t about anything personal.
But what if it is?That niggling voice pushed, harder and with more determination. What if, despite all his efforts, something about Phoebe had got under his skin, too?
He tried to follow that thought through to its conclusion, imagined the impact that would have on their marriage and the way their relationship would change. He imagined the power she would have over him, the destructive ability tohurthim, and he knew it just wasn’t possible. To love someone was to trust them in a way that Octavio had learned never to trust. It would make him vulnerable, and Octavio had to be strong—for himself and the sake of his country.
Phoebe didn’t love him. She couldn’t. She had been caught up in a fantasy, because of their marriage and the pregnancy, but she’d see and accept the limitations of what they were again soon. Wouldn’t she?
Thoughts like this chased themselves around and around his head all day, and as the day drew on, the thought of returning to his apartment, and to Phoebe, kept having the same impact on him. He didn’t want to see her; he didn’t want to risk having more of the conversation she’d started that morning. Hecouldn’t hear her say those words again, knowing that he’d never return them. Even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.
He was gripped by a need for space and time, by a need to run away. And though it was a childish urge to surrender to, as the afternoon fell, he called for his private secretary. ‘I’m going to the embassy in Spain for a night or two.’ He took a deep breath, imagined how Phoebe would feel when she realised that he was hiding from her.
Coward,his inner voice growled.Be man enough to face her.
But then he saw Phoebe’s face in his mind, and everything inside him began to twist with panic. He had to get away. ‘There’s something I want to work on there. Would you have someone let Her Majesty know?’
With a curt nod, the aide was dismissed and Octavio was able to breathe a little more clearly.
She caught him as he was on his way to the helipad and her temper was such that she clearly didn’t notice the guards standing watch just across from them.
‘You’re running away? Are you kidding me?’
His eyes narrowed, a muscle jerking in his jaw. He hadn’t wanted to see her again; he hadn’t been prepared for this. Clearly his message had reached her prematurely; he’d planned to be in the air before it was delivered. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You can beg all you bloody want. You won’t get it. I never had you pegged as a coward, Octavio.’
He glared back at her, his nostrils flaring. ‘You have no right to speak to me like that.’
She flinched. ‘Don’t talk to me like I’m a stranger.’
‘You are acting like one. What the hell has got into you?’
‘You’re running away.’ She jabbed a finger against his chest. ‘Because you’re scared to finish the conversation we started this morning.’
He turned towards the guards and dismissed them with a gesture. Alone in the corridor, just a flight of stairs from the rooftop, he turned back to her. ‘That conversation is already finished as far as I’m concerned.’
‘You think?’ She folded her arms with a huff of something like disdain. ‘You think you can just walk out on a woman who’s baring her soul to you?’
‘You are letting your hormones control you. This will pass.’
‘Don’t you dare do that. Don’t gaslight me. I know what I feel and I know what I want.’
He drew himself to his full height, his expression ominous. ‘Unfortunately, so do I.’
‘And it’s not me?’
‘It’s this marriage, with you, and it’s these babies, but it is not love, it is none of the things you spoke of this morning.’
‘Wow.’ She blinked quickly, her body trembling slightly. With anger? ‘So you’re saying you don’t love me?’
He stared at her for several long beats. ‘We’ve discussed this.’
‘I need to hear it. Say the words.’
