Yeah, I let him take charge instead of dominating him like I’d planned. Sure, it was nice to hear him finally say those words, but I still felt unsatisfied. Like, did he truly feel it or say it out of obligation?
32
KAYDEN
Before you think I’m some kind of unfeeling pig, hear me out. I told Erik I loved him because I really do. Obviously, he didn’t believe me. Look, some of the most powerful, heartfelt words are the hardest to say. And yeah, they flew out of my mouth just as we were skyrocketing towards some seriously hot sex. But it’s not what you think. I said it when scoring was already a slam dunk, not because getting laid hinged on it.
I can hear my boyfriend’s voice whispering in my ear now, carrying on about how that’s not the point and that saying it while in the throes of passion doesn’t count. If Erik wanted me to apologize for every dumb thing I’ve ever said—or not said—we could be here a while.
For now, the way I’d said it would have to do. Look, I’m not saying my own track record is perfect. I’ve had my shitty moments in all of this. There was this one moment that I’m not proud of, when things really hit home.
Here’s how it went down: The guys all went to Tully’s, a sports bar and restaurant just outside the city. I’d heard that they served better wings than the Anchor Bar, Duff’s, andGabriel’s Gate combined, so I had to find out if the rumor was true.
I hadn’t reckoned with the idea that the guys would’ve found it just as weird for Erik to leave my side. When my boyfriend got up to use the bathroom, Ryan Detenbeck slid onto his bar stool.
At first, I thought nothing of it. He was just going to yap about the game on TV, no big deal.
Boy was I in for a surprise.
“So, what’s the deal with you and De Ruiter, anyway?”
The music was so loud I barely heard the question.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Detenbeck pulled back a little, smiling and raising his hands in surrender.
“No need to bite my head off, dude,” he said. “Just asking a question.”
I stuffed one handful of popcorn from the bowl in front of me in my mouth, followed by another. His question set me on edge, and I needed something to calm myself. What did he know, and how had he found out? And why was he asking me about it in the middle of a restaurant?
But I couldn’t not answer him. That would’ve been a dead giveaway.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Guess I misunderstood you.”
“No kidding.”
“What did you mean?”
“Nothing, really. It’s just that the two of you are inseparable, like two waffles that you can’t peel apart.”
“We’re team co-captains. Don’t you want us to be close?”
“Hey. I never said it was a bad thing. It just seems weird for a couple of guys that we had to physically separate on the ice to become Mario and Luigi.”
“It’s hockey, bro. Tempers flare. We just got a little ahead of ourselves.”
He shrugged. “But you can’t blame me for noticing,” he said. “You guys do spend a shitload of time together. Thought maybe you guys were playing hide-the-salami or something.”
“Well, we’re not!”
Detenbeck threw his hands up in surrender, but without a smile this time. That was smart. It meant he knew he’d narrowly avoided getting punched.
It also meant I was a hothead with no self-control, which my boyfriend would’ve pointed out had he not stepped away. So, I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath, and tried again.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“No problem. I’ll be careful the next time I bring up your homoerotic fantasies.”
