I didn’t know what’d stopped me from popping him one before. Now I knew. He was still gorgeous, and I didn’t want to rearrange that pretty face. And, if I KO’d him, we would never have sex again. Here’s the deal: I couldn’t tell my teammate that I actually did want it again. That would’ve given him leverage. Anything we did would have to be on my terms, so I had to stay in the driver’s seat. “Why don’t I cut to the chase?” I said. “I don’t think I’d feel comfortable sleeping with you again. At least not under these circumstances.”
“Are we breaking the law? Will the Fuck Police show up to arrest us and throw us in Horny Jail?”
“No, you idiot. It’s just?—”
“De Ruiter, you must be the only hockey player on earth who cares about circumstances. I’m giving you easy sex. You’ll get your tires rotated without having to lift a finger. That’s a pretty good deal. No one with a brain would ask questions.”
“And no one else is me.”
Before, I would’ve skipped ahead of Kayden, hoping to lose him. Now I understood that I would have to communicate with him. If I didn’t, I would lose my chance to tell him what was really on my mind. I came up with a plan.
“You really are impossible,” he said. “You know that?”
“Not as impossible as you think. I’ll throw you a lifeline here. I never promised to sleep with you again. I could just as easily treat it like a one-nighter. I do want it again, but only if everything is just right.”
“Were you this weird with this so-called girlfriend back in Canada?”
“No, Kayden. I wasn’t weird with her. Is that what you want to hear?”
“I just wanted a yes or no answer, bro.”
“Just so you know, not being her teammate wasn’t what made it different. Sex between me and her made sense because we were a couple first. And we never hated each other. It was normal. No complications. Like I said, I’m totally open to it happening again. And I know what the right circumstances are. I just don’t know if you’d go for it.”
Kayden paused and then his eyes widened like a light had switched on in his head.
“Wait a second,” he said, “you don’t mean…?”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Cut the crap, dude. I know that look. Besides, you haven’t even let me tell you what I’m thinking.”
“I’m not marrying you just so we can have a little fun, for Christ’s sake.”
I nearly doubled over laughing. Students around us turned to stare, but I didn’t care. If Kayden was going to say something stupid, the rest of the world might as well know it.
“Who said anything about getting married?”
“You might as well have.” He looked ready to stamp his foot and throw a tantrum. That was so Kayden.
“I’m not saying we should get married. I just want you to at least know that you can’t get what you want out of me by snapping your fingers. You’re gonna have to work for it. I told you I’ve got standards.”
“Of course you do. I’m the only guy you’ve let rock your world.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Why don’t I make this simple for you,” I said. “If you want to fuck me again—like, if you really,reallywant to—we should try going on a real date.”
He sputtered out a few jumbled words like he knew what he wanted to say but had suffered the biggest brain fart in history.
“I’m not gay!”
Again, passersby turned and glanced at us.
Perfect.
I shrugged. “You don’t know what you are. After what happened in the locker room, you should throw labels out the window.”
