“You need goals, something to shoot for. I don’t apologize for aiming sky-high. Maybe that plan sounds silly to you, but I’ve stuck to it, always believed in it, and look where it’s gotten me.”
And he stopped himself there. I realized right then that my boyfriend was incapable of seeing my side of things. What did they call that anyway? Being emotionally unavailable?
Yeah, I could tell him that. It would start a whole new argument, which wouldn’t get us anywhere. I didn’t worry so much about him denying that he was emotionally unavailable. I worried that he wouldn’t even know what it meant.
In the meantime, our relationship would keep slipping away from us, and I would be helpless to do anything about it.
42
KAYDEN
Remember how Erik was nagging me about criticizing him for not playing hard enough in previous games? Well, I guess he took that to heart, because he tried to show me up in the seventh and final game of the conference championship series. He tried to steal every puck, make every shot, defend against every opponent, and put the entire team on his shoulders when it was unnecessary to do it. He did all the work instead of distributing it to the rest of the team for god knows what reason. To make a point in his twisted little world, I guess.
In other words, he was being Erik De Ruiter.
He thought he could do it alone. He didn’t need the rest of the team. Mister Erik De Ruiter, the calm and collected farm boy, the voice of reason, and the guy who’s tried to make me look like the asshole of the century just had to steal the spotlight.
And I knew why. It was because I’d criticized him. I’d done my job as a team co-captain, I mean. I’d held him accountable the way I’d expected him to do with me. It was probably because there was a damn good chance I would get picked up by theMaple Leafs while he stayed with the Larkin Lions. I might be hard-headed, but I’m not stupid.
You know what happens when you do that shit? You lose…or come way too close to it for comfort. It’s called teamwork for a reason, you know. In our case, we nearly lost the conference championship game because Erik had to dick around. I mean, this was game seven for chrissake, but there was still the principle. Every single contest was a win-or-go-home affair, and my boyfriend knew that as well as anyone. Instead of helping us coast to the NCAA championship series, we nearly got sent home.
Weird as it sounds, I wondered if he wanted us to lose. You know, because that might be the one thing that would keep me in Buffalo. Crazier things have happened. Just saying.
Anyway, I couldn’t let any of that go. Yeah, I knew things had been shaky between Erik and me, and saying anything to him would upset him. But the stakes were too high for everyone. Icouldn’tlet it go. Winning was still more important than anything, and I had to make sure we didn’t wind up with the short end of the stick.
I saw the looks on everyone’s faces, including Coach Hardison’s. They’d never seen this side of Erik before. Every one of them glanced at me, like I would logically be the one to know what to do, but I had nothing.
After the game, Erik and I were alone in the locker room. Something had to be said about the game, like right now. I could have waited until we got back to my place to talk about it, but the whole thing bothered me too much to stay silent.
“You know, you didn’t have to do all that,” I said.
“Do all what?”
“You know what I’m talking about, bro. Don’t act like I’m stupid.”
Erik zipped up his bag but didn’t strap it over his shoulder. Maybe he reallydidthink I was stupid.
“Look,” I said, “if this is about what I told you the other day, I stand by it. It was for your own good and the team’s good. I had good intentions. All I wanted was for you to pick up your game, not for you to come back and literally do the exact opposite.”
“I played the game the only way I know how. What’s the problem?”
Okay, that was low-hanging fruit, and I wanted to hit him with an insult. That would only make matters worse. Even I, Kayden Preston, the king of petty, would resist temptation and attempt to smooth things over maturely.
“You know as well as I do that doing all the work undermines the rest of the team,” I said.
“Are the guys complaining?”
“No one’s complained…yet. I can tell by their looks and body language they’re not too impressed, though.”
“But they haven’t said anything?”
“Look, I’m expecting someone or several someones to come to me privately and ask what the fuck’s going on.”
“So, until then, it’s only a possibility, right?”
You know, you’d think that my boyfriend would’ve been happier about moving on to the NCAA championship series. Like, he at least wouldn’t feel the need to act like an idiot. But I could see he was as intent to act that way as he was to put the entire game on his shoulders.
I knew how to deal with the calm, rational Erik De Ruiter. The really stubborn one was a different animal, and I approached him with caution.
