“That’s great and all,” I said, “but I’d rather be co-captains with Kayden than have the team to myself.”
“That says a ton, bro. I mean that.”
Honorable as that sounded, I couldn’t tell him the full details about why. I mean, I was dying to do it, but Kayden would freak.
“I know you think I could trip over my own IQ,” Ryan said, “but there’s more to this, isn’t there? Like, it isn’t just because Kayden could be leaving.”
“I’m just worried that I don’t have what it takes to make it to the NHL,” I said.
“Wait, are you serious?”
“Well…”
“Dude, use your brain, would you? You’re gonna make it to the big leagues. I don’t have a single question about that. It might not be as fast as Kayden is making it there, but it doesn’t matter. Who the hell makes it on the exact same timetable anyway?”
I understood what he was saying, but that didn’t make things better. The idea of Kayden Preston playing for any pro team, even in the minors, while I remained stuck in college drove me bananas. It wasn’t so much about him living the dream as it was him living it without me.
“I know what you’re saying,” I said, “but I feel like no matter what anyone says and no matter how I try to look at it, this just isn’t sitting well with me.”
“Big surprise.”
“What do you mean?”
“You two are way too competitive with each other, you know that?”
That was the first serious remark I’d heard from him in a long time. Scarier, it was the first halfway intelligent one too. It also happened to be true. The part of me that was seriously competitive wanted to believe you could never have too much of a good thing. In hockey, you need a certain level of fire and drive to succeed. Without it, you and your teammates will always wind up on the short end of the stick. And then you’ll wind up pumping gas for a living and telling people about how you could’ve been a great hockey player and tasted real glory.
On the other hand, our level of competitiveness could turn into a roadblock. We’d learned that early in the season with the team captain’s locker fiasco. The Larkin Lions could have suffered because of it. Our relationship had kept a lot of that competitiveness at bay because concealing our love had occupied more of our attention than anything.
Now that Kayden had inched ahead of me career-wise, I had to do something. I couldn’t just let something like this stand. Problem was, admitting it made me feel so cheap and petty.
“I guess I see what you’re saying,” I said.
“It all works out in the end, doesn’t it?”
I paused. This time, Ididknow what he meant, but didn’t really believe it. Maybe that came from the part of me that believed no easy answers existed.
“I guess you’re right,” I said.
“Think about it this way: If Kayden gets drafted now, it’ll light a fire under your ass. You won’t be able to stand it. You’ll want to show everyone you can do it too. All you’ll be able to think about is how you’re gonna become the very best hockey player you can be. If an NHL teamstilldoesn’t come knocking at your door, they’re totally fucked in the head.”
I couldn’t help laughing a little at that.
“Besides,” he said, “you know you can’t worry about shit like that right now, don’t you?”
“Remind me why.”
“Because we’ve got a championship to win. We need you at your best, bro.”
“I’m at my best.”
“But you’ve got to stay on the lookout for problems. If you don’t get your head on straight, we could risk losing. If that happens, neither of you are gonna be drafted.”
Then a thought occurred to me. I hoped to god I would never actually do something like this, but I actually worried that I could unintentionally sabotage my boyfriend. For the second time today, Ryan Detenbeck said something intelligent. The world got weirder and weirder, didn’t it?
But hey, I would still have my boyfriend all to myself.
When I left Canada for Larkin University, I’d had only one goal in mind: making it in the NHL. Winning a championship for the school would have been a by-product of it, but the main goal was where my focus was. I hadn’t counted on meeting someone like Kayden Preston—and I sure as hell hadn’t bargained for falling in love.
