“Do I really do all that stuff?”
He didn’t answer, but his eyes never left me. Sometimes the stuff you don’t say speaks louder than the things you do.
Then Braxton said, “All I know is if the Toronto Maple Leafs came knocking, I’d be so happy I’d shit my pants.”
“If only it stopped there.”
That only widened my teammates’ smile. For the first time ever, I didn’t want to talk about myself. I actually had another subject to discuss.
“Hey, what do you think the odds are of Erik De Ruiter getting drafted?” I asked. “Like, honestly. You can tell me.”
“What, would your feelings be hurt if I gave you the wrong answer?”
“No way, dude. Just asking an honest question.”
“I mean I think he has a shot at it. Maybe.”
“But not absolutely?”
“Dude, what the hell do I know? I’m not a scout.”
He raised his hands in surrender, but the wide smile remained. Only then did I realize I might’ve come on a littlestrong with my question. Obviously, he hadn’t given the topic much thought. That made sense. Why would he even care?
“Sorry,” I said, “I was just wondering.”
“Just wondering, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Did something happen?”
I paused and scrambled for a decent answer. It was stupid to think even a lackwit like Braxton Wilson wouldn’t see through me, so I gave up.
“Since you asked, I think seeing me draw so much interest from the Leafs had set him on edge. It has lit a fire under him, but not in a good way, if that makes sense.”
“Like, it’s made him insecure?”
“Yeah, that’s the word!”
“But he’s a great hockey player too. Why the hell should he feel insecure?”
“I dunno. Maybe it’s because, on the Larkin Lions, we’re co-captains. We’ve basically been equals, even when we’ve butted heads. And now…”
“And now that a scout has come along and shown you what’s really possible—and not giving Erik the time of day—you’re worried he’s jealous.”
Iknow for a fact he’s jealous, I wanted to say. And, for that matter, it’s been a hell of a lot more than us being co-captains. It’s about the fact that we’ve known one another like no other guy has before. It’s about the number of times we’d woken up naked together. It’s about the feelings we’d never experienced for another guy before. It’s about the future wecouldhave but couldn’t plan for because of our hopes and dreams…and the fact that I can’t come out of the closet if my life depended on it.
If I could’ve trusted Braxton to handle it, I might’ve told him the truth. Okay, not thewholetruth, but enough to create a strong suggestion.
“I guess you could say that,” I said. “I’m just worried that it could hurt the team. You know, us being co-captains and all.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“What, seriously?”
“Kayden, come on, you guys were at each other’s throats. We even had to physically separate you two one time. And guess what: It didn’t hurt the team.”
That was because we’d also beendowneach other’s throats, but I definitely couldn’t tell him that. Also, that had been before the regular season began, not in the playoffs.
