“Do you want me to get you some of this face mask? It’s so rejuvenating.”
Charlotte shook her head and stopped chewing on the licorice stick. She linked her fingers together and ignored the uneasy thumping in her chest. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry to interrupt your…whatever this is.”
“It’s a self-care night,” Emily replied with another bright smile. “You really should try it. Oh, what am I saying? You must do this sort of thing all the time.”
Charlotte cleared her throat. “Not really.”
Emily patted the space next to her on the couch and scooched away. “Why don’t you come here and tell me what’s on your mind?”
In one quick move, Charlotte stood up and went over to the brown leather couch. She sat down, leaned sideways against her mom, and immediately felt better. After several long moments, when her heart was no longer racing, Charlotte thought she could finally speak.
“I went to the fertility clinic two days ago,” Charlotte began in a low voice. “I know it seems out of the blue. It caught me by surprise, too, but I’ve been thinking about Addison’s problem, and I wanted to help.”
Emily stroked her hair. “Help her find a surrogate, or what do you mean?”
Charlotte sucked in a harsh breath. “No, I mean, I’m thinking of being Addison and Mason’s surrogate. I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s a big commitment, but it’s been on my mind since she told me, and I just…I can’t shake the feeling that this is something I’m supposed to do.”
Emily stopped stroking her hair and moved to stroking her back. “And what makes you think that?”
“Nothing has felt right since Dad died,” Charlotte admitted, her voice catching toward the end. “It feels like I’ve just been on autopilot, trying to get from one day to the next, and don’t get me wrong, I know I’m lucky…I know I’ve got a good life, and I do love teaching, but I…”
How was she supposed to put it in a way that her mother would understand?
How was Charlotte meant to tell her she didn’t want to feel stuck?
She was terrified of waking up one morning and realizing she’d stumbled into her life rather than chosen it. Teaching had been the lifeline she needed, but years later, she didn’t want to just survive anymore.
She wanted to live.
And for the first time in years, there was something out there, other than her job, that excited her and made her feel like there was more for her to do.
Emily shifted and leaned back to look at her, face half-obscured in the darkness. “You’re ready to try different things.”
Charlotte’s stomach clenched as she sat up. “I’m not even sure I’m a viable candidate. I’m still getting the blood tests done and everything, but I…I really want to be.”
Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought.
She hadn’t realized how much she wanted it to work until right that second.
Her mom reached between them and took both of Charlotte’s hands in hers. “Sweetheart, I think motherhood is a beautiful thing. It also isn’t for everyone, so if you want to help your friend achieve that dream, I think that’s an amazing thing to do.”
Charlotte searched her mom’s face, unease creeping through her. “But?”
“As long as you’re sure this is something that’ll make you happy, that’s all that matters.” Emily held her gaze and didn’t look away. “I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. I wish you’d told me that you felt…stuck.”
“I didn’t know,” Charlotte admitted. “I wasn’t unhappy, Mom. We all need to make decisions to survive, to get from one day to the next, and I think, sometimes, it’s hard to realize that at some point, you have to stop making decisions based on survival.”
Emily’s mouth lifted into a smile. “You’ve always had a soft spot for helping people, for wanting to go above and beyond for them.”
“I haven’t even told Addison yet. I don’t know how she’s going to react.”
Or if she was going to lose her mind.
But something in her bones and her heart told Charlotte it was the right thing to do.
“She’s going to love you even more for offering,” Emily replied in a soft voice. “But will you go through with it if Addison doesn’t want you as her surrogate?”
Charlotte paused and nodded her head slowly. “Yes, I think I will. Addison might be the reason I started all of this, but she’s not the only woman out there who deserves to be a mom.”
