Sophia brought her head to rest against Zoe’s shoulders and tried to focus on the movie. When the credits rolled, Sophia realized she had no idea what she’d watched. And when her dad appeared in her doorway, his shirt on backward and his heavy shadows etched onto his face, Sophia didn’t care. His eyes kept darting around, and he kept wringing his hands together, which only made the surge of feeling in the center of her chest, a mixture of bittersweet sadness and regret, grow further. Shethrew the blanket off, crossed over to her dad, and took him into her arms.
The two of them sank to the floor and burst into tears.
Zoe patted their backs and murmured to them.
Sophia rocked her dad back and forth till his shoulders were no longer heaving, and his sniffs subsided. Her heart felt heavy as she helped her father to his feet and took him into her bedroom. She stayed up with him till he fell asleep, then tiptoed into the living room. There, Zoe helped her set up the second pull-out couch, and the two of them whispered to each other late into the night.
In the morning, Ian and Lucy were the first to arrive, wearing somber expressions. Ian took their dad into the main house, and when they emerged, her father’s hair was slicked back, and he had on a suit that hung awkwardly off his frame.
Lucy lingered in Sophia’s apartment while Sophia and Zoe got dressed.
When Lily and Ben arrived, Zoe was forcing Sophia to scarf down a croissant. Wordlessly, Lily pulled Sophia in for a hug and patted her back. When they drew back, the sisters exchanged a quick look before ushering everyone outside. In silence, they poured into two cars, with Stu opting to go with Ian and Lucy while Sophia and Zoe rode in the car with Lily and Ben. Sophia spent the entire ride with her hands clasped behind her back and the sadness in her chest threatening to consume her.
Once they pulled up outside the cemetery on the outskirts of town, Ian and Lucy’s kids, Kelli, Dana, and Dean, were already there, forming a circle around Grandma Jen and Grandpa Frank, who stood side by side in front of the headstone. Together, they all trekked up the small hill and fanned out once they reached Kelly’s resting place.
Sophia’s heart was pounding in her ears as everyone took turns talking.
The smell of freshly cut grass and overturned earth lingered in the air.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Darren appear, dressed in his old wedding suit and with a strained look in his eyes. He offered her a tight smile and joined her family. Then, it was Sophia’s turn, and everyone else drifted further away, leaving her to her own devices.
Visiting her mother every week hadn’t gotten easy. If anything, it made Sophia miss her even more.
She had no idea how she could miss someone she’d never known, but it didn’t change how she felt. Nor did it change that coming here felt like having Kelly ripped away from her all over again.
With a frown, Sophia lowered herself onto the grass, the dress fanning out on either side of her. Like she usually did, she traced her mother’s name on the headstone, pausing at the last letter.
“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, Mom,” Sophia whispered, her voice trailing off toward the end. “I thought I didn’t mind working for someone else, but I don’t know if I want to work for Valerie. She hates me.”
Muted conversations drifted over to where she sat, the grass tickling her bare knees. She withdrew her hand and clasped her fingers together. “Honestly, I’m not even sure if I’m happy at Nora’s Delights, but I don’t have another job lined up. I don’t know, Mom. It all feels very confusing right now.”
She glanced over at where her family stood in a circle, with her grandparents in the middle. Darren looked over at her, and she held his gaze for a few seconds before glancing away again. Her aunts and uncle had shown up a little later than everyone else, red-faced and harried.
“And I don’t know if I made the right decision leaving Darren,” Sophia added in a softer voice. “I wish you would sendme a sign, anything to let me know that you think I’m on the right path.”
After a brief pause, Sophia rose to her feet and dusted herself off. As one, they all climbed back down the hill and piled into a few cars. Everyone drove toward Stu’s house, where they all prepared a meal in silence. When they sat down to dinner, it was a serious and quiet dinner, with only the sound of cutlery filling the air.
At the end of the night, when everyone else left except for Lily and Ben, who retired to Ian’s old room, Sophia stayed in the kitchen, whisking up some batter and trying not to let the day get to her.
Somehow, in spite of the years she’d had to make her peace with the fact that her mom was well and truly gone, it still left her with a lump in her throat and an ache in her chest.
Chapter Nine
“Grandma, please.” Sophia leaned back and patted her stomach. “You need to stop feeding me so much. I feel like I gain weight every time I come over.”
Grandma Jen waved her comment away. “Don’t be silly, dear. You’re as thin as a broom. Haven’t you been eating well?”
With that, Grandma Jen rose from her armchair and made a beeline for the kitchen. She was muttering to herself the entire time. Sophia twisted to face her, taking in her grandma’s slow movements and the thinning gray hair. When she looked over at her Grandpa Frank, he was flipping through the newspaper and nodding to himself.
As soon as he felt Sophia’s gaze on him, he glanced up and lowered the newspaper. Then he pushed the spectacles up on his weathered face and leaned forward in his chair. He reached between them, took Sophia’s hand in his, and squeezed.
“She’s right, sweetheart. You do look a little too starved. They not letting you eat at work, or what’s happening?”
“I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” Sophia replied, pausing to give her grandpa’s frail hands a firm squeeze. “But I don’t want you guys to worry about me. I’m fine. How’s your project going?”
“Horribly,” Grandma Jen replied from her spot in the kitchen. “He’s taking up too much space in the garage.”
“We’re not using the garage,” Grandpa Frank reminded her with a shake of his head. “Besides, we’re supposed to be enjoying retirement.”
