“I don't, but I would never want her to feel like I don't care about her and her successes,” she defended.
“But she doesn't know that.” Kerry looked at her seriously.
Tessa lowered herself to the grass and brought her legs to her chest before hugging them. “I saw you...you and Diane, I mean. You were in the café laughing and having fun, it seemed. I suppose that was the day the pipes burst.”
Kerry sat down beside her. “Why didn't you come in?”
Tessa turned to look at her sister. Her eyes, she was sure, showed her vulnerability. “As I stood there and watched the two of you, I couldn't help but feel as though I was intruding on a private moment... the way she looked at you... her gaze was filled with a great deal of admiration.” Tessa diverted her attention to avoid meeting her sister's empathetic gaze.
“The last time my daughter looked at me like that, she was eight. The only thing I get from her now is cautious or angry looks. Sometimes it feels like she wishes I had died and not Don. At least he understood her more than I ever will.” She didn't realize she was crying until a tear splashed onto her gray sweat bottoms. She unclenched her arms from around her legs and used the balls of her palms to rub her eyes.
“That's not true, Tessa,” Kerry spoke softly. “Diane loves you very much. And you need to stop blaming yourself for Don's death. There is no way you could have known that he would have had an aneurysm. There was no sign. No one blames you.”
As hard as she wiped her leaking eyes, more moisture pooled in them and escaped from the crevices of her hands pasted to them. Kerry's words were not enough to stop the guilt that consumed her whenever she thought about her dead husband. It was her fault. If she hadn't been so angry with him, maybe she would have realized something was wrong— there must have been a sign, and she missed it.
“It's okay to still feel sad, but what is not okay is you living in the past of what you could have or should have done differently. Cherish the love you and Don had but move forward. He would have wanted that for you.”
At the feel of her sister's palm on her shoulder, she turned to face her. She saw the sincere emotion of love in her eyes as she stared back at her.
“You deserve to be happy, Tessa.”
She gave Kerry a grateful smile.
“Talk to Diane,” she implored.
Tessa heaved. “I'll try.”
The two women rose and continued their trek through the forest. They made it up a fairly steep elevation before descending and following the trail to the beach. They came to another stop and looked out at the vast ocean before them. The blue-green waters looked clean and inviting. Driftwood scattered the uneven sandy ground the whole length of the beach. The wind whipped Tessa’s hair about her face, and she could practically taste the saltiness of the ocean.
“I think Mom should tell the rest of the family about her illness,” Kerry said after a few minutes of silence.
“I think she should, too,” Tessa agreed before sighing. “I wish there was a way to stop this.” Kerry nodded.
The two returned to Tessa’s parked car before taking off.
* * *
Bev quickly flipped through the photo album, pausing only to look more closely at the pictures of her son Eric. She reached out and lightly stroked his rosy cheeks before smiling at him as his brilliant green eyes gazed upward at her. He smiled a toothless smile. The miniature fire truck she had purchased for him fit snugly in the palm of his chubby little hand. She recalled how he had been gesticulating with it for quite some time before eventually letting go of it with a throw that left everyone in awe. At just six months, he was already very mature for his age.
“He's got a nice strong arm— the arm of a baseball player,” Troy had predicted.
At the time, she had laughed it off as Troy just wanting a son who grew up to play some sport in the major leagues. But as Eric got older, it was abundantly clear that his assumptions had been correct. Eric had gone from playing Little League to high school baseball. He'd received a scholarship to Texas Tech before being drafted to play for the Houston Astros. He had been well on his way to becoming a household name, but then he'd met Evelyn.
Bev sighed as she remembered how she prematurely lost her son before his actual death.
The first year of Eric and his girlfriend's relationship was a wild journey filled with partying and missing curfews. He came dangerously close to being kicked out of the league. It didn't matter whether Bev or his father tried to talk sense into him; he just wouldn't listen. Over time, he was able to straighten out his behavior, and Evelyn became pregnant not long after that. After three years, Eric's baseball career came to a halt due to a broken arm that healed awkwardly, rendering it incapable of being used for pitching.
She tried reaching out to them after Joshua was born, but their fractured relationship seemed too much to remedy. No matter how persistently she pleaded for a relationship, it was unsuccessful. She was thankful they had allowed Joshua to have a relationship with them despite Evelyn and Eric not having one with them.
She remembered it like it was yesterday when the cops showed up at the house that night. The blue and red lights flashing behind them had alarmed Bev as she stood at the open door with Troy standing slightly behind her.
“I'm sorry, ma'am, but your son was in a serious motor vehicle accident. He didn't make it. Neither did his wife.”
“No!” she'd screamed as she fell against Troy. She’d turned in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. When she’d been able to raise her head, she saw Joshua standing behind them, eyes wide with fear. That had been one of the worst days of her life.
She smiled bitterly as she flipped through the remaining pages of the album, her eyes darting from one to the next as a tear ran down her cheek. She paused at a picture of him and a very young Joshua and trailed her finger over the image as she looked at it. Eric was sitting on the seashore with Joshua in his lap while the gorgeous ocean was in the background, and both of them were beaming at her with smiles.
“I wish you could see your son now; you would be so proud of him,” she spoke to her son. “I miss you, Bear.” She sighed.
