I look at the group apologetically. “I finally had to get some sleep.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t subsist on a diet of caffeine and nicotine,” Henn says.
“Did you leave to get some sleep, too?” Jonas asks Josh, flashing him a knowing look.
“Yeah, I couldn’t keep up with Henn, either,” Josh says. “I think I left around the time Kat left.” He glances at me, his eyes full of apology. “Maybe just a little bit later.”
It suddenly hits me like a thunderbolt:Josh. Whatever my boss was just babbling about in her email, it was Josh’s doing.
I ask Henn a question absentmindedly, requesting clarification on something, but my mind is shifting into frenetic overdrive. There’s no doubt in my mind: Josh contacted my boss and requested my personal “PR services” out here in Las Vegas.
“Oh my God,” Josh mumbles in response to something Henn just said, his entire body stiffening next to me. He pulls his hand away from the back of my chair and rubs his eyes like he’s blown away by something. Uh oh. I wasn’t paying attention. What did I just miss?
“What?” I ask, my stomach twisting with dread.
“They’re funding the Ukrainian separatists,” Josh answers, his face draining of color.
I don’t have the faintest idea what the hell that means.
“Which means Oksana’s funding Putin through the back door,” Jonas adds, as if that would make things clearer for me.
But it doesn’t. Ukrainian separatists? Putin? Who’s Putin? That sounds familiar, but I forget. Wait, isn’t he that Russian guy? Obviously, I just missed something major when my brain was fixated on my boss’ email.
“You guys, break it down for me,” I say. “Sorry.”
“Okay, back in the day, there was the U.S.S.R., right?” Jonas says. “Then it got broken up into all these pieces—Russia and Ukraine and the Baltic states. Well, now Putin wants to put all the pieces of mother Russia back together again, to resurrect the former empire—and he wants the diamond of his new Soviet Union to be Ukraine.”
“And is Ukraine down with that plan?” I ask, wishing I’d paid more attention in my political science class in college. I honestly don’t even know exactly where Ukraine is, to be honest.
“No, not the official government,” Jonas says. “But there’s a faction within Ukraine—theseparatists—and they want toseparatefrom their government and go along with Putin’s reunification plan. So the separatists have waged armed conflicts with their own government, funded by the Russians.”
Jonas and Josh exchange a look of extreme anxiety.
“Holy shitballs,” I say softly, even though, honestly, I’m still not one hundred percent sure I get it. Whatever’s happening, though, it’s obviously holy-shitballs-worthy.
“Yeah, most definitely,” Henn says. “Well said.”
“We’ve got to find out who Mr. Bigwig VIP is,” Jonas blurts. “We need to know who all the heavy hitters are. You said congressmen are involved in this shit, right?”
“Yup,” Henn says.
“That could be really, really bad,” Josh says, his body stiff and tight next to mine. His face looks ashen.
“Seriously. ‘Oh, hi, constituents. Please re-elect me,’” Henn says, putting on his best congressman-voice. “‘I added more police to our streets, got a library built, and voted to increase the minimum wage. Oh,andI paid a whole bunch of money to a Ukrainian prostitution and weapons ring to fund the reunification of the Soviet Union. Can I count on your vote during the next election?’”
Oooooh, I totally get it now. Leave it to Henn to explain things in terms I can easily understand. Ooph. Holy shitballs, indeed. This is a big deal.
“This is too big for us to handle on our own,” Sarah declares emphatically. “We’ve got to hand this over to the FBI.” Her eyes widen. “Or the CIA? I don’t even know which one. I mean, jeez, I’m a first-year law student at U Dub.” She shakes her head. “This is like, a matter of international significance—and that’s not even an exaggeration.”
Henn talks for a while, explaining how he plans to obtain the bad guys’ passwords and banking information, all with the goal of uncovering data we can use to convince the good guys to take immediate action—and, suddenly, I feel like a round hole in a square peg. What the heckity-heck am I doing here? How can I possibly help with all this? I know what value everyone else in this room brings to ourOcean’s Elevencrew, but what on earth is my role?
When Henn finishes talking, Sarah leaps out of her chair like a woman possessed.
“Henn, I’m your new best friend,” she says.
She explains she’s gonna write a kick-ass report with supporting documentation which we’ll submit to the authorities and we all agree enthusiastically with her plan.
“Kat,” Sarah says sharply at the end of her passionate speech, her eyes like lasers.
