“. . .my initials spell KUM... Kum Shot, Jizz, Splooge, Pecker-Snot, Man-Yogurt, Dick-Spit, Jizz, Schlong-Juice, Jerk-Sauce,” she writes, and I put my hand over my mouth to keep from bursting out laughing.
“. . .I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a VAGINA,” she writes.
This time, I laugh out loud. I can’t stop myself.
I look up at Kat, chuckling. She’s already been watching me intently, biting the tip of her finger nervously. I shake my head at her, nonverbally calling her evil. She nods, a smart-ass expression on her face.
“. . .I’m attaching all three required photos with this application. Enjoy!”
I click into her first attached image. A silly headshot. She’s making a fishy-face and crossing her eyes, and yet, even making this ridiculous face, she’s gorgeous as hell.
Photo number two. Jesus Christ. The body that mesmerized me the other night when it was stomping down that hallway, dripping wet.
I glance up at her.
Her chest is rising and falling visibly, mirroring mine.
I look back at my screen. Photo number three: something she’d ‘typically wear out in public.’ I click on the image and laugh out loud again. She’s pretending to pray to the porcelain gods, wearing her sparkly dress from the other night.
Jesus Christ.
She truly is the female version of me. Anything for a laugh.
What the fuck am I gonna do about this girl? It suddenly dawns on me, full-force: I’m powerless to resist her. I’ve been thinking allalong I’ve got the upper hand with her, but I’ve been kidding myself. At the end of the day, she’s gonna get whatever she wants, eventually, from me and anyone else—no one could possibly resist her—and I know it. It’s inevitable. She’s fucking gravity. Death. Taxes. I feel like I’m hurtling in slow motion toward a brick wall, but I can’t stop myself.
I look down at my screen again and continue reading, my pulse pounding in my ears.
Aw, shit. My heart breaks for this Nate guy.
I keep reading.
And reading.
Motherfucker.
Garrett Bennett.
I grit my teeth. I feel the vein in my neck bulging. I wanna kill this fucker. I wanna hunt him down and rip him limb from limb. What kind of motherfucking asshole does that to a girl—any girl?—but especially one as awesome as Kat? He called my girl a slut? Said she’s not ‘marriage material’ just because she likes sex a whole lot? He’s the one who taught her how to like it so much, after all, didn’t he?—and he certainly reaped the benefits of her newfound sexual prowess. And then he turned it around on her and burned her at the stake for it? I feel literally homicidal right now, I really do. Having a live wire in the bedroom is every guy’s fantasy, and this guy made Kat feel like shit about it? If that motherfucker were here right now, I think it’s safe to say I’d be going to prison for what I’d do to him on federal property.
I keep reading, my blood boiling, my heart clanging in my ears.
“I want to read your application, word for word, without censorship of any kind, and then I want you to do whatever freaky things you’ve asked for in your application to me, exactly as described. I want to be your Mickey Mouse roller coaster, Josh—and I want you to be mine.Come on, Josh. YOLO. I’ve told you my secrets. Now it’s time for you to tell me yours.”
Holy fucking shit.
“So what do you want me to do?” Agent Eric asks, thumbing through the exhibit log.
“We want a meeting in D.C. within the next two days with power players at the FBI, CIA, and Secret Service,” Jonas says.
They continue talking, but I can’t follow their conversation. Thewords on my computer screen are calling to me like a siren—drawing me in like a drug.
I read the entire application again from start to finish, my mind racing, my heart variously racing and breaking, my blood boiling, and, most of all, my cock throbbing the whole time. And when I’m done reading it for the third time, I close my eyes, trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I’ve never wanted a woman so much in all my life. She’s a force of a nature. How am I supposed to resist a fucking tornado? A tsunami? An earthquake? I can’t.
“You’re not bullshitting me? You can do it?” Agent Eric asks Henn.
“We can do it,” Henn says.
“Then I’ll vouch for you with my boss,” Eric says. “I’ll do everything in my power.”
