I take a deep breath, trying to quell the despair rising up inside me—and then I burst into big, soggy tears.
Thirteen
Kat
“The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse says, taking the blood-pressure cuff off my arm.
I shift my weight, eliciting a crinkling sound from the wax paper underneath me. “I’m nervous,” I say softly.
“About what?” Sarah asks. “A sonogram doesn’t hurt, does it?”
“I’m not nervous the sonogram willhurt,” I say. “I’m nervous about, you know, what it might show—that something might be wrong.”
Honestly, I’m shocked at how anxious I am that something might be wrong with my little accidental Faraday. Two weeks ago, when I first peed on those pregnancy tests, the baby going bye-bye on its own was all I kept praying for. But with each passing day since then, I’ve surprisingly found myself more and more attached to the idea of having a baby of my own—perhaps a little boy who looks just like Josh? Despite myself, I keep imagining a dark-haired boy sitting at the Morgan Family Thanksgiving table in a little blue suit to match his sapphire eyes, or maybe throwing a football in the backyard with Colby, or learning how to play guitar with Dax? Or, craziest of all, I keep finding myself imagining Josh and me cuddled up in a warm bed with our cute little guy, giggling and whispering about how happy we are. It’s crazy, I know, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
Sarah juts her lip with sympathy as only she can do. “Aw, don’t be nervous, honey.” She opens my dog-eared copy ofWhat To Expect When You’re Expectingand flips to a marked page. “I was just reading in your fascinating little book here that being a barf-o-matic is generally regarded as a great sign—that it typically indicates your hormones are at high levels, which is good.”
“Thanks, Sarah,” I say. “And thanks for coming to this appointment with me. I didn’t realize it would be so comforting to have someone here.”
“Are you kidding? I wanna come to everything. I wish you’d told me sooner—I would have hopped the next flight home from Greece to hold your hand.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you,” I say. “So, are you gonna tell Jonas?”
Sarah shakes her head. “I think Josh should be the one to tell Jonas he’s gonna be an uncle.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Just make sure Josh spills the beans really soon, okay? I don’t like keeping secrets from Jonas.”
I nod.
Sarah buries her nose in my pregnancy book again, but after a moment, lifts her head, smiling. “Hey, you wanna hear something crazy? I think with the time difference, Josh proposed to youbeforeJonas proposed to me.” She laughs. “Who would have predictedthat?”
“Yeah, but Josh’s proposal doesn’t really count—he was just fulfilling an obligation. It wasn’t even in the same universe as what Jonas did for you. That’s like comparing a hamster to a racehorse.”
Sarah’s smile vanishes. “Aw, I’m sorry, Kat.”
I rub my face. “I keep thinking maybe I should have said yes—that maybe when I said no I was being selfish and not looking out for the bean.”
“What? No frickin’ way. You did the right thing—one hundred percent.”
“You think?”
“Absolutely. Regardless of marriage, Josh is gonna step up and take care of his kid—there’s no doubt about that.”
“True.”
“And it’s not like you need to get married to get onto Josh’s medical insurance or something—Josh can well afford to make sure you have the best medical care.”
“Also true. In fact, he’s already told me he’ll pay for all my expenses, medical and otherwise.”
“Of course, he will. Which means there were nopracticaldecisions to make in response to Josh’s proposal—only emotional ones. And in that case, you did exactly the right thing: you followed your heart. Because, Kat, we both know you’d never be happy being married out of obligation. You’re a diehard romantic, through and through—and you need the fairytale.”
“Me?”
Sarah scoffs. “Yes,you. You’ve watchedThe BodyguardandPretty Womanlike ten times each, for Pete’s sake.”
“Twenty.”
