We both laugh at the ridiculousness of anyone saying that about me.
“And I’d say I’mwitty. Sometimesclever. Oftendiabolical. But, no, based on my college transcripts, not particularlysmart.”
“Fuck that shit. You’re smart. Which is why your new company’s gonna kick ass. Speaking of which, when are you gonna quit your job and stop waffling?”
“I dunno. It’s one thing to have a faraway dream about something youmightwanna do ‘one day’ and another to all of a sudden be expected to make it happen overnight.” I shrug. “Maybe I’m not asentrepreneurialas I thought. Damn, that’s a big word.”
“What are you afraid of?”
I make a “duh” face. “Failure.”
“Bah. Fuck failure. It’s what happens right before success.” He flexes and kisses his arm again. “I should know. I’ve failed a lot.”
I purse my lips, unconvinced.
“Don’t be scared. I’ll help you. You can’t fail with the muscle and charm of Joshua William Faraday behind you.” He flexes his other arm and kisses it.
“Yeah, as long as I don’t need help in, say, amonth?”
He makes a face of pure annoyance.
“Seriously, thanks for the offer,” I say. “I appreciate it. It’s just a huge decision—definitely not one to make while high as a kite.” I pause, not remembering what I was just about to say. “This is only the fourth time I’ve smoked pot in my whole life. Did I tell you that? Last time was in college. I haven’t done this inflorebblaaaaaaah.”
“Really? A party girl like you? I’m shocked.”
“Well, Sarah’s the one who named me ‘Party Girl with the Heart of Gold,’ don’t forget. Everything’s relative, I guess—compared to Sarah, I’m Keith Richards.”
He laughs.
“So do you smoke a lot, Playboy? You seem much more composed than I am right now—your tolerance must be pretty high.”
“Nah, these days hardly ever. I’ve just got too much shit to do to put my brain on mental lockdown for hours on end. Back in the day, though? Oh my God. I was baked my entire first year at UCLA. I’m shocked I didn’t get kicked out of school, I was such a fucking screw-up. I finally cleaned myself up that first summer, thank God—and then I had a bit of a wobble again right after graduation, before I’d figured out what the fuck to do with myself—but then I finally pulled myself together for good at twenty-four. That’s when Jonas suggested I open an L.A. office of Faraday & Sons. I followed his advice and it was exactly what I needed—it gave me some purpose in my life.”
“How did you pull yourself together that first summer?”
“I went to Jonas Rehab. We backpacked together through Asia and some other places that summer. Funny thing was, Jonas had just gotten out of the psych hospital, and I was supposedly on that trip to helphim—but he’s the one who helped me, by far.”
“How? What’d he do?”
“He was just Jonas. There’s nothing like being around Jonas Patrick Faraday and his constant ‘pursuit of excellence’ to make a guy realize he’s a total flop-dick.”
“Is that when you got your dragon tattoo? You said you got it in Bangkok, ‘drunk and high as a kite.’”
“Damn, you’ve got a good memory.”
“I remember everything you’ve told me.”
“Yeah, it was on that trip—about a week in. Remember how in the beginning ofThe Karate Kidhe starts off being a little punk? That was me the first week of my trip with Jonas. We’d been climbing all week and I was like, ‘I’m sick of this wax-on-wax-off shit, man; I wanna party,’ so I flew Reed and some homeys into Bangkok while I left my dorky brother to climb more rocks on his own up north.” Josh shakes his head. “I was such a little prick to leave Jonas like that—such a total fucking douchebag. Inexcusable.” He sighs. “So, anyway, when Jonas and I met up again a few days later in Cambodia, I knew I’d fucked up, and I just was like, ‘Okay, Mr. Miyagi, I’m ready now. Teach me the art ofkarate.’”
I laugh.
“Jonas had just come from climbing all alone for days and he was this savagebeast—just, like, oh my God, this golden god—and I looked like something the cat barfed up. I took one look at Jonas, and one look at my pitiful self, and realized it was time for me to stop being a total asswipe-douchebag-waste-of-space. And that was that. Jonas and I became this unstoppable duo—two savage beasts crushing it across three continents. The Faraday Twins. The ladies never stood a chance.” He laughs.
I snicker. “Oh, I bet. I can only imagine how women across three continents soaked their panties over The Faraday Twins.”
“Oh, shit, it was like stealing candy from a baby. Well, actually, not at first because Jonas was the biggest dork in the entire fucking universe.” He rolls his eyes. “But, oh my fuck, even when Jonas was a total train wreck, women still practically threw themselves at the guy everywhere we went. Once, this woman was sitting next to Jonas at this bar, and when she got up to leave, she left her room key in front of him. And Jonas stood up and held up the key and shouted to her across the bar, ‘Excuse me, ma’am! You forgot your room key!’” Josh buckles over laughing. “Classic Jonas. But then I started coaching him and he got way better. The trick was not letting him talk—making him the ‘something shiny.’ That was always our best strategy.” He winks.
I laugh. “Josh, you’re not exactly the ‘something dull,’ you know.”
