Catalina islight in my arms, her body limp with exhaustion as I carry her up the stairs, one careful step at a time. She’s breathing evenly now, soft little exhales brush against my throat, but her fingers stay curled tight into the cotton of my shirt.
I push open her door with my shoulder, stepping into the soft wash of moonlight spilling across her floor. Her bed is neat, untouched, like she hadn’t planned on sleeping in it tonight. Maybe she intended to stay downstairs, trapped inside her thoughts, just like I do sometimes, when the dark gets too heavy and too loud to outrun.
The thought settles like a weight in my chest as I cross the room, keeping her tucked securely against me. I lower her gently onto the bed, and her body sinks into themattress with a soft sigh. She stirs, just a little, a broken sound slipping from her lips that I can’t quite make out. Her brows furrow, like whatever nightmare she’s trapped in isn’t finished with her yet. I stand there for a beat, my hand brushes lightly against her hair, wishing like hell I could take every ounce of hurt out of her body and shove it into mine instead.
I drape the blanket over her, tucking it carefully around her shoulders, and my fingers purposefully caress the soft skin of her arm.
Fuck.
I should leave, turn back around, walk back to my room, and pretend none of this ever happened. I should continue to act like I’m still the grumpy asshole I’ve always been—the one who doesn’t get involved, who doesn’t get attached, and who doesn’t fuckingcare.
A brief moment of hesitation dances across my mind.
I look back down at her, at her peaceful face, her dark lashes still damp from the tears she cried into my chest not even thirty minutes ago. The same woman who stomps around this ranch like she owns the damn place, flipping her long hair, glaring at me from under those pretty lashes, pushing every fucking button I have, and now she just looks so fragile it fucking breaks me.
I exhale sharply, raking a hand through my hair, trying to shake off the weight pressing down on me.
Against my better judgment, I don’t leave.
I grab the spare pillow off the chair in the corner and drop it onto the floor beside her bed. I ease myself down, stretching out on my back, my shoulders pressing into the hardwood.
At thirty-four years old, it’s reckless. It’s fucking stupid. It’s crossing lines I swore I never would.
But I can’t bring myself to leave her, not tonight. Because what if she wakes up gasping for breath again, lost in that panic, alone and terrified? What if she needs someone to anchor her back to reality, and there’s no one there?
No fucking way, not while I’m still breathing.
I stare up at the ceiling, my jaw clenched so tight it aches, willing myself not to look at her. Forcing myself to ignore the pull in my chest and the ache in my hands to reach out and touch her again.
She’s making me forget all the reasons I built these goddamn walls in the first place.
I don’t fucking believe in love, not anymore.
I believed in it once, when I slid a ring onto a woman’s finger and promised her forever. When I spent countless years busting my ass to build something solid, something she could be proud of. Every hour I put into this godforsaken ranch was for her.
For us.
Without hesitation, she fucking walked away. She looked me dead in the eye and told me I wasn’t enough, screamed at me that she was sick of the dirt, the work and the life I built with my bare fucking hands. She made it clear she didn’t want a man like me and told me loving me wasn’t worth it.
I learned my lesson that day.
Love is a fucking lie.
It’s temporary. Conditional. It’s something people take when they need it and throw it away the second it stops being easy. I swore I’d never let anyone close enough to cut me open like that again. I swore I’d never feel that kind of pain again.
Catalina is slipping through the cracks.
I should be fighting it. Ineedto fucking fight it. Because this isn’t just a bad idea, it’s impossible.
She’s Vartan’s daughter. She’s young, reckless, and a spoiled little brat who tests my patience every second she’s breathing near me.
I know I can’t have her. I tell myself that every fucking day.
And yet, she’s the light I so desperately need in my life.
catalina
. . .
