“Sure, whatever,” I said, turning before the scoff even fell from my lips.
I was done with this. I’d come here for clarity, to understand what her agenda was. She couldn't possibly expect me to believe that her agenda was simply me. No one ever stayed for me. Everyone was okay with leaving me, I would just save her the trouble and leave before she could.
Yet every word she said and every expression on her face made this more confusing. I needed to leave.
Alta was grabbing onto my arm before I even got a step away, causing me to freeze. “Where are you going?
“Leaving,” I said, trying to push past her to escape.
“But we aren’t done talking,” she held on tighter.
“What more is there to say?” I asked, fighting not to sink into the familiar warmth of her hands.
“Anything,” she sputtered. “Say anything you need, Harper, I can tell you’re still upset. Let it out.”
I looked at her, allowing myself to wade in her eyes, gaugingher expression. She wanted me to stay here and let it out? I shook my head.
“I don’t think you understand. This isn’t something I can just talk through and not be upset over. It’s—I’ve lived an entire life away from all this and now it’s all falling back into my lap, and somehow you’re at the center of it? It’s not something I’m just going to get over, Ally.”
“I’m not asking you to get over it,” she said.
“Then what?
“Then whatever you want.” Gently, she gave my arm a squeeze. “I told you I’m sorry, and I meant it. I’m sorry that I caught you off guard and I’m sorry I intervened without knowing all the details. But if you want me to apologize for taking up for you, I can’t do that. I won’t do it. Not after you’ve put yourself in front of me, stood behind me, and lifted me up so many times.”
I didn’t know what to say. Why was she so confident all of a sudden? Was this really the thing she decided to be unmovable about?
Me?
“Do whatever you want to me, Harper. If you need to yell at me, yell. If you want to say more mean things, I can take it.” Her teary eyes were glaring at me now. Determined. As if she was setting theresolve she demonstrated every dayon me. “Whatever you need, I’m here. I'llbehere. Just don’t leave, not like this.”
“Why would you do any of that?” I asked, confused.
Stormy brown eyes drowned me as she washed me in her gaze. Her warm palm found my face, rubbing against my stubble in a soft comforting caress.
“Te amo tanto.”
“Alta,” I begged. There was that phrase again, familiar, yet I couldn’t place it in all the fog in my turbulent mind.
She sighed. “We promised each other something real on Thanksgiving. I told you I didn’t want to do the same thingsanymore. I don’t want to pretend like you don’t mean the world to me, Harper.”
“Al—”
“Know why?” she cut me off, like I wasn'teven talking.
I stared. She probably just cut me off if I tried to speak again anyway. Holding her eyes, I shook my head.
“Because you know me and I know you. Not every part, but the important parts. The parts that make up your heart.” Another step forward brought her so close under me that I shivered as herbody pressed against mine. How could she feel so right when everything was going so wrong? Whispering, she said, “And my heart has never felt more right than it does with you. I can sit here and tell you each reason why, or I can skip to the point and tell you that the bottom line is we’re in this together. So this one's on me okay? Take as much time as you need.”
My chest felt like it weighed a million pounds. The more serious her expression got, the heavier the weight mounted. On top of my parents showing up, Mar maybe but maybe not calling me, and the resurgence of my past all stacking like cinder blocks one on top of the other, suddenly her words weighed the most.
Wrapping my fingers around her palm, I pulled her hands away from my face and stepped back. Where had all this come from? She was so hesitant, so standoffish for so damn long, and suddenly all this?Now? When everything was changing so fast around me—too fast for me to catch up.
“Ally, I can’t,” I started, my breath coming faster, my mind racing a million differentdirections. “I'm kind of freaking out here, and I don't want you to be caught up in it. I just—I think I need some time.”
She stepped forward again and took my hands in hers. Kissed them. “That’s okay. I’ve got time.”
“No—”
