Dad could have the company. I didn’t want it. I never wanted it. I’d wanted to be a part of it because that’s just what we did in thisfamily. But now that it had broken us, the only thing it brought me was shame.
Hypothetically, cutting it out of my life for good should have been freeing. Iwantedit to be freeing.
So why did the thought of selling hurt so bad? And why was it made worse to find that Alta was in the middle of it.
Dad’s voice shook in his fight to gain composure.
“It’s been ten years of walking down halls full of ghosts. Ten years of seeing her—you, in every room, around every corner and having to reconcile with the fact that the two of you are gone and aren’t coming back.
“Now, I’ve made my mistakes, Aug. Things that I said, decisions I made are ones I might regret for the rest of my days—but I’ve punished myself enough, and I’m tired of the ghosts. I’m tired of the regrets, and the distance between what’s lost and what can still be salvaged.”
“The business, it’s never been the bargaining chip I hoped it would be when it came to your sister. And I thought maybe if I got rid of it, your mother and I could finally start to win back what we lost while trying to protect it.” He paused again. Looked at me in that studying way. “I guess what I’maskingis… would it make a difference?”
I recoiled, leaning back and blinking at my parents. “So you’re giving up something you thought would bring Mar back to, what, bring me back instead?”
“Not instead,” Dad said. “Never instead, Augustus. We want you both back. All we’ve ever wanted was a chance to work out what happened all those years ago and start somewhere new, where we could all be happy.”
“That’s not what you said then.” I ground out, agitated, confused, hurt. “None of this is, and hearing this for the first time now sounds like complete bullshit if you ask me. If you cared abouther then where was this years ago? Where were you years ago, Dad?”
“I was angry,” he exploded. “I was angry and lashing out at anyone and anything. And I thought I could bring her back my way. All those years I thoughtsomethingwould come of holding onto the one thing she wanted most, even after I started to hate it, but it hasn’t.”
My eyes lowered to slits, my voice lowering to a dejected mumble. “I think she wanted you to believe her more than she wanted anything.”
It was less of an accusation and more of a depressing revelation. It was obvious he felt bad, maybe even heartbroken over it, but there was little to be done about it now. Too little and way too late.
“I think you’re right,” he said, just as dejected.
“Well,Ithink we’ll never know the truth without hearing it from her ourselves,” Mom interjected. “But we’d love to know you, Auggie. We’d love to know what you do, how you live, who you are after all these years. That’s all we want.”
I looked from my mom’s eyes to my dad’s and I was surprised that all I saw was sincerity in familiar brown irises.
“We thought we lost everything when your sister left. You were still young then Aug, we didn’t want to put all that stress on you, but we were broken. More broken than I ever thought we could be…” He paused, choking up a little, but ultimately met my eye. “And then we lost you too.”
Hissing, my body pulled up straight.
Okay, okay, okay.
I was not ready for this. The last time I spoke to my dad he had been yelling at me about getting Mar back his way or the highway. I’d chosen the highway. I’d chosen my own way, and he’d been a part of that decision. And now he was telling a different story.
But it was too late. Wasn’t it?
I looked at my hands, my head throbbing. “I have no clue whatyou should do. I still want nothing to do with it… But you’re not wrong. As much as I hate what it’s done to us, the business always meant something to Mar. It might always. I guess it’s one of those things we might never know.”
Quiet stretched over the room before my mom’s voice cut through it gently. “So if you want nothing to do with the business…does that mean you want nothing to do with us too?”
My throat felt like it was on fire as I swallowed and swallowed again. No matter how many times I tried, it refused to soothe.
Lo siento.
That’s what her text said. That’s all it said aside from two additional words I had yet to learn and didn’t have time to translate before my parents arrived.
Te amo.
Sorry for what? Did she know? Did she have any idea that this would hurt coming from her? That she was the one person I trusted to keep me whole and now her actions were causing me to split apart.
I stood abruptly. I couldn’t get through a conversation like this without knowing the answers to my heart first. And only one girl had those.
“I… I have to go handle something now, sorry,” I said.
