“Drop it, Cee,” I said more sternly.
“I c-can’t,” she croaked, and when I looked down at her hands, they were white as she gripped the tool, the whole thing shaking wildly in front of her.
I nodded, sliding another inch closer. “Alright. I’m coming in to help, okay? Do. Not. Swing, Ceci. Don’t swing.”
She didn’t say anything, this time letting me get close. Close enough to wrap my hands around her shaking ones. Close enough to let me work her grip free finger by finger.
“Come on,” I coaxed, “Just let it go—no. Look at me. Good. Now, let it go.”
The sound of metal hitting the concrete might as well have been a symphony ringing victory. As soon as it was loose, I gathered her up to my chest and held onto her tight.
My every breath was her, my every fear was her, my every fucking relief was her.
“Fuck,” I croaked as I scooped her in close and wrapped my arms around her. She trembled and I wrapped her up tighter, trying to stop the rumbling shakes. I hated this. I hated every fucking second of it. And I needed to get her out. “Let’s go.”
We didn’t even make it a step. I tried to pull her along with me as I rushed the door, but as I moved she did not. Her attention was instead focused down on her feet. She was lifting one of them at a snail’s pace only to set the shaking thing back down on the ground with a defeated, grunting curse.
I can’t get up. That’s what she had said; that she couldn’t get up. And finally, I realized what she meant. At first glance her body seemed unharmed, but for some reason (fear most likely) Ceci was stunned into immobility.
“Fuck,” I grunted again. The word was becoming my anthem now. I didn’t have any others to contribute.
Gone was the girl who bounced on every step. Gone was the girl that charged into every movement. Gone was the sure, confident, fearless girl that was all Ceci. And here was a fractured shell of her, stunned and paralyzed and yet still chastising herself for not being perfect.
I didn’t wait another second. I lifted her into my arms and moved us toward the cellar doors. Like ice on hot concrete, she melted into me. Her arms going around my neck, her face going into my shoulder.
She didn’t cry. My girl never cried, but she shook the entire way home.
Chapter Fifteen
CONNOR
I realized with some level of apprehension that the shaking transformed from fear to anger about halfway through the drive home.
One shower, a cup of untouched tea, and two hyperventilation attacks later and we were sitting quietly at the dining room table in silence. We had been in silence for almost an hour. I was trying to be patient, but it was driving me absolutely insane.
Finally, I set a hand down on the table, careful not to make her jump. “You have to tell me what happened, Cee.”
Her head didn’t even move to look at me. She had been staring into the pool of tea ever since I set it in front of her. Now, as it became apparent she wasn’t going to say anything, I moved the cup away. Using her chair, I turned her toward me, my own chair facing hers and my knees spread wide enough that she fit between them.
Her hands were resting in her lap, balled up so tight I’m pretty sure her nails were digging divots into the soft skin by now.
I started there.
Slipping my fingers underneath her clenched ones, I worked to pry her fist open. It took some doing, but slowly, I got her hands to relax. And then I took them into my own, cradling the backs of her small hands as I ran my thumbs across the markings she made in her palms.
Peeking up at her, I swallowed roughly and I said—pleaded, “Please?”
For the first time since we got home, she looked up at me. Just a short peek, before she returned her gaze to her hands. Her eyes were set so still you would think she was frozen that way. Her jaw locked tighter than the cellar door.
Without thinking, I reached toward her, cupping that jaw and moving her face so that shehadto look at me. “Andstop clenching these, alright?”
She trembled once but seemed to melt into my touch, her eyes closing and her breath seeping out just before she sucked it in hard. Shuddering again before she began to speak.
“I tried to fight him.”
“I know, Ceci. It’s okay, you did the right thing.”
“No. I didn’t.” She shook her head. “I didn’t do anything right. He grabbed me and he told me to give him my money and when I told him I didn’t have any with me, he twisted my wrist and ithurt.”
