Tovian cuts me off mid-sentence. “Lorcan isn’t rubbing off on me. Trust me.”
“Are you not getting along?”
When I asked him to join up with Lorcan, it was partly because I wanted them to be friends. Now, I realize I have a secondary reason: I want Tovian’s independent opinion of him.
As much as I want to believe Lorcan is on the road to recovery—his physical comeback has been remarkable—something is off when I talk to my old friend. It’s more than the fact that he can’t remember much from the months prior to his accident. He’s harder. His fundamental sweetness is gone.
I’m trying hard to find my friend inside the murderous shell. He has to be in there somewhere.
“We get along fine. He’s different from what I expected.”
Have I made Tovian jealous? Ridiculous. There’s nothing between me and Lorcan, and he knows that.
Doesn’t he?
He damn well should.
“I know he’s changed, but he’ll come back with time.” I hope. I pray. It’s very possible he’s gone for good, but I won’t give up. “I know he appreciates having you with him. Lorcan will never admit it, but he gets lonely like anyone else.”
“I don’t think loneliness is his problem, Sunshine.”
What the fuck am I supposed to make of that statement?
“Do you have a sense of what is?”
Tovian sighs. “Not really. He feels like the world owes him something. I don’t think he knows what it is, though.”
“Zosia.”
Her name slips out before I can catch myself. Mentally, I berate myself for talking about her like she’s a prize to be won.
“I don’t think that’s it.” A long pause. “We could hold the line long enough for him to go and look for her. He won’t do it.”
“Still?”
My stomach drops.
Tovian goes quiet. At least we’re not fighting anymore, though things don’t feel resolved. It feels like Tovian isn’t telling me something about Lorcan, and I don’t know what it is or why he’s keeping secrets.
Maybe it’s nothing more complicated than that part of me wants Lorcan’s approval of my boyfriend, and I’m bitterly disappointed that he doesn’t to feel a need to provide it. Not so much as a simple,he seems great, Raina.It’s not like Tovian and I are getting any encouragement from either of our families.
Lorcan remains focused on moving south, taking out every pirate stronghold in his path. I think Tovian is mostly enjoying the experience. Working with someone who’s skilled is always a thrill, and no one does murder and mayhem better than Lorcan.
On one hand, I’m pleased with their progress. We’ve worked for months to achieve what he’s managed to do within a few weeks. His capacity for strategic thinking remains as keen as ever.
On the other hand, I’m increasingly frustrated with Lorcan for ignoring Zosia. I get mad like anyone, but I don’t get mired in emotions. Yet this is getting hard for me to keep under control. Every time we talk, I push him to go look for her. He blows me off.
I’m trying so hard to keep things cheerful and upbeat, but damn him, Lorcan makes it so hard. It’s like talking to a wall.
An angry, violent, hurting wall.
“I’m going to come and meet you.” Tovian breaks into my thoughts. “You need someone who can get you to my village. I’m not that far away from you. Find a safe place to wait until I can get there.”
I’m so excited at the prospect of seeing him that I can’t bring myself to care that he’s probably mad. “What about Lorcan?”
“He can handle himself for a few weeks.” A smile creeps into his voice. “I’m glad you want to spend time with my people, Sunshine.”
“You spent over a month with mine, and we weren’t exactly welcoming. Honestly, even I needed a break from them.”
