“Lorcan’s awake,” she says in a rush. Saskaya doesn’t get emotional, but there’s a tense undertone in her voice. “He woke up. He’s out of the tank.”
Chills run over my body like a thousand skittering spiders. It’s a sign. It has to be. This can’t be a coincidence.
“How is he?”
“Weak. Doesn’t remember much.”
My heart sinks. I knew this was a possibility. Traumatic brain injuries aren’t predictable. A minor one can cause major personality changes and cognitive impairment, or a severe injury can end in a full recovery. We won’t know Lorcan’s outcome for a while, but I have to believe he’ll come back to us.
Tears roll down my cheeks.
“Thank all the goddesses.” I motion Tovian over and whisper, “He’s awake. Lorcan is alive and he’s going to be okay.”
Tovian’s smile flattened fractionally, an off-key note buried in a crescendo. I registered it without understanding its import. After four months of fighting in the face of despair, we finally had a crumb of optimism.
“That’s great, Sunshine,” he said tightly. “I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Sas, can we come and see Lorcan? We’re near the castle. It would only take us half a day to ride to the Temple Plateau.”
She won’t say yes. I know it. She already rebuffed our offer of a visit once. Still, I can’t help but try. “It might help his memory if I could come—”
“No,” Saskaya interrupts. “Don’t come. You couldn’t get into the Plateau anyway. I took the precaution of blowing up the stairway.”
“You did? When?” Why hadn’t she told me?
“In June, when I realized how exposed we were here on the Plateau. Sitting ducks for any pirates looking to raid a temple,” she says bitterly. Not without reason. Every temple between here and the Timberlands District has been looted. “Or, worse, by the Skía. Those traitors know what we’re hiding here and wouldn’t hesitate to take it.”
I’m silent for a minute.
“Okay. We can’t see him. Can I at least talk to him?”
Spikes of anxiety course through my body. I want proof of life. Everything feels so close to a turning point. I don’t understand why a sense of doom is seeping into the first moment of optimism after four months of relentless setbacks. Lorcan’s awakening should be a triumph.
Why doesn’t it feel like one?
“He’s asleep right now. I’ll call again when he’s awake.”
“Sure.” I stare blankly at my phone after we disconnected, until Tovian gently touches the small of my back.
“You okay, Sunshine?”
I swipe away the tears on my cheeks and exhale a shuddering breath. He tugs me into an embrace. My next words come out in a sob. “I just want everything to go back the way it was four months ago.”
Tovian stills. He traces light circles on my back. Comforting.
“Everything except the part where I met you,” I add belatedly. “Meeting you has been the one bright spot in this whole disaster.”
Rising on tiptoe, I press a kiss to his lips. He returns it softly. “I wouldn’t change anything if I meant I never got to meet you.”
“Even all the people who’ve died?” I tease, unsure whether I could handle the implications if he said it would still be worth it.
Tovian tilts his head and says somberly, “Not even that.”
A lump forms in my throat, preventing further speech. His tribe suffered losses, too. People he knew. Yet he still wouldn’t change anything that happened if it meant he wouldn’t meet me.
It’s the scariest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Love isn’t supposed to be easy. You have to work for things worth having.
