“He would have gotten word to us by now. To the Covari, at least,” my father said, his weariness audible. “If we’ve lost Zosia…” He trailed off.
“We haven’t lost her. I’m sure she’s hiding. There must be a reason she hasn’t gotten word to us. Has anyone gone to the castle to look for her?”
“There’s no way to get inside.”
No success on Saskaya’s end, then. The last time I asked her about it, she was so grumpy about her lack of progress that she about bit my head off. She’s snappish by nature, and being cooped up at the Sun Temple hasn’t improved her personality one iota. Besides, I’ve had my hands full, too.
We need more people. Fighters like Lorcan.
Watching him fight is like watching a dancer, only more violent. He knows exactly where his body is in relation to his surroundings at all times. Nobody strikes him. He harries his opponents until they’re too tired to keep fighting, tricking them into wasting energy while he stays just out of reach. The only time I ever held my own against him in sparring was when I remembered not to strike, tempting him to hit at me instead. It rarely worked. He’s too patient to be tricked that easily.
The truth is, nobody fights like Lorcan, even the Covari. They’re a small tribe and lost a huge number of their people during the initial invasion. My people can hold River Bend and the Three Rivers district, but we’re also too small in number to advance. Plus, they’re all in the north. The populations of the Grasslands District, Central Auralia, and the Timberlands have all been devastated by the invasion. People dead, or frightened and in hiding.
And every day, more pirates land in Oceanside. We can’t hold out against them forever.
Fact of the matter is, we need Lorcan. Almost more than we need Zosia.
He’s the warrior that can win this war. She’s the heart and soul we’re fighting for. We need both of them. Together.
“She has to be in the castle.” Logically, there’s nowhere else she could have gone. “And if she’s inside, there’s a strong possibility that Rohan is with her. We just need togetto them.”
I turn and spot Tovian standing a few feet away, pretending not to listen. Standing guard to protect my privacy, I realize, smiling at his back.
“We’re doing everything we can, Raina. You know River Bend wants you to take your place as Queen.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and hung my head. “I know, Papa, I know. Soon. I promise.”
“That’s what you said when you went to university. ‘One year, Papa, then I’ll come home and claim my crown.’ Then it was another year. Now the war is here and you’re down there, risking your neck—” He inhales sharply. “Be safe, Raina. I know one of your sisters can step in if necessary, but you’re the one who trained for this. Come home. Fulfill your duty.”
My vision blurs.
“Everything alright?” Tovian asks quietly.
I make my goodbyes with my father and disconnect.
“Sort of,” I say. I refuse to do that thing Zosia does, where she says she’s fine and she’s obviously not.
Looking back, I would’ve done a lot of things differently, especially that second year when it was obvious how deeply in love she and Lorcan were. I always knew it from his side, but to see her cautiously open up—I should have gotten out of their way a lot sooner. Should have been more direct in telling them that it was okay, I understood.
If I’ve cost them their only chance at happiness together, I’ll never forgive myself.
“Any word about your friends?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Same as ever. Lorcan hasn’t woken up. His reflexes work, and occasionally he makes a sound, but that’s all. Saskaya is going out of her mind with boredom and frustration.” I smile wryly.
Tovian slings his arm around my shoulders. “We can always offer to trade places with her.”
I laugh at that. Then, because I can’t leave it alone, I ask rhetorically, “What if he lives the rest of his life in pain—and I’m the one who did that to him?”
“We all made choices in the heat of the moment that we may come to regret. There will be more of them before this war is over.”
I think of the man bleeding out on the wagon. I could have given him morphine to ease the last minutes of his life. He didn’t ask. He had no way of knowing it was available. I never thought I’d feel guilty about letting a man who’d committed violent crimes suffer, but I do. I feel dirty that in the moment, I took pleasure in his pain.
To get our conversation back on track, I squeeze Tovian’s waist and say, “Like giving someone a false name?”
“Not false,” he said, brushing a kiss on the top of my head. “Your second name. I can’t believe it took me so long to piece it together.”
“My feminine wiles scrambled your brains,” I tease.
