“You seem busy, Lorcan.” My frostiness came from pure hurt. He’s not dense. Tahra guiltily dropped her gaze. Yeah. I’m not imagining what she’s after. It’s common knowledge that we’re betrothed yet she’s acting as if I’m not here. Because she, like every other woman (except those of Hallie’s persuasion, of course) old enough to entertain romantic notions, would love to spend a night or more in Lorcan’s arms.
And he’s been perfectly happy to oblige them.
He doesn’t see it. Willfully, or through sheer thickheadedness, I have no idea. But in that moment, I understood with crystal clarity that the dynamic of our union, were I foolish enough to go through with it, would be me chasing away his admirers while he stood idly by, pretending not to see the problem. Because he says he wouldn’t take them to bed, and that should be enough for me. His word as his honor.
But he has no honor in this regard.
I could turn a blind eye, and if one of them gets Lorcan into a compromising situation, I would have to pretend not to see it, thus encouraging the next, and the next.
Or I can keep chasing women off and let my people paint me as a jealous wife. That is the position Lorcan has placed me in, and he seems either unable to see why it’s a problem or that every time this happens, it feels like that moment at River Bend when Iknew, all over again. There’s no winning, and it is energy better spent serving my people. I could never say yes to that.
Perhaps I’m not being fair to him or Tahra, but this is the place where I am the most broken and Lorcan constantly presses on it.
“Zosia, wait.”
I kept walking. I deposited my saddle and bridle in the tack room without cleaning them and headed for Saskaya’s house. Convenient, how easily he forgets his promises to me when there is any other woman’s attention to be had. If he wants to win back my trust, he’s going to have to do better than this.
The arrangement I insisted upon is making me crazy.
I should try and find another solution to our predicament. One that sends him far away from me. And yet...
There was the moment near dawn in the Hall of Ancestors when I forgot he was there, lost in morbid thoughts about my own mortality. When I couldn’t feel my legs anymore from hours of kneeling on cold stone, and stumbled getting up. Lorcan caught me before I fell. A shadow at my elbow, a warm presence at my back. A reminder I wasn’t alone. I turned into him and buried my face in his shoulder while he held me. It felt like he cared. I wanted to believe it.
Perhaps he does, on some level. But not enough to give up the adoration of any pretty girl who walks by.
I don’t know who this new Lorcan is. Yet I can’t stop loving the old version of him. The one I knew before the invasion of Auralia changed everything we might once have been together.
CHAPTERTHREE
Ifound Raghnall supervising my brother as he splashed in a mud puddle with a couple of shepherd puppies, gleefully making a terrific mess. The sight made me smile.
“Welcome back, Princess.”
“How is my little bro—”
“Shh!”
Right. I can’t acknowledge my only living relation.
“Mudlark,” I finished, substituting an English word for the secret I had nearly betrayed. I can’t cost Sethi membership in his mother’s tribe. That’s his choice to make, someday. I have no doubt that he will choose to remain with the Covari. Who would give it up to be known as the half-brother to the last princess?
Gods. He’s eighteen months old. I’m writing off atoddler. I can’t continue like this. I don’t know what else to do to distract myself from my deepening embitterment. Stay focused on rebuilding—although every decision I make reminds me of how badly I messed up with Sohrab.
“Happy as a pig in...” Raghnall hesitated. “Poop.”
“I see that.”
“Sas is upstairs in the lab. Do you need help carrying things inside?”
“No. Thank you. I have it.”
I’m sore and aching in more ways than just the physical. I spotted Lorcan coming out of the stable. He started coming toward me, but hard on his heels was Tahra. I hefted my bag and turned away.
* * *
“You’ve stalled out.” Saskaya frowns at the scale. “The trip to the castle was a mistake.”
“It was unavoidable. I needed to take care of my father.”
