By the time of our departure from Oceanside I was feeling pretty good about my fledgling leadership. I made a brief speech to the remaining residents. I haven’t had to speak publicly in so long that I was a bit rusty.
I promised Ephram to be in touch often. I would not forget how hard his people have fought to save our country. They’ve been reinforced by fighters from as far away as Tenáho and Nansier, but Oceanside took the brunt of the initial invasion, and it has been the ongoing front ever since Lorcan routed the invaders from the interior.
For our return trip, we took a parallel route through what used to be the more arid and formerly more populated side of the country. On the first day, moving northward, we passed burned-out farmhouses, many kilometers of broken fences, and of course, skeletons. We need a proper burial for all the unclaimed bodies. What a task that will be.
The first day passed uneventfully. We spent the night at a homestead where Lorcan and Tovian knew the owners, Elia and Iacov. From the warm way she greeted him, I momentarily wondered whether Elia was one of Lorcan’s conquests. My discomfort must have shown, because Tovian took me aside and explained that my betrothed had reunited the husband and wife after Iacov was injured at Oceanside.
After that, I vowed to give Lorcan more credit.
“We have never hosted royalty before,” Elia told me, uncertainly, as Iacov herded their children to bed on a makeshift pallet in their parents’ room. She was visibly pregnant. A fourth child.
“Your generosity is more than sufficient,” I told her, meaning it. Lorcan and I would have a double bed to share. Tovian and Keryn would take the children’s beds, with Tahra sleeping on the floor between them.
“I highly doubt a princess finds a worn-out guest room ‘sufficient.’” Elia said ruefully.
“I spent several months in the Gaol at the castle,” I quietly informed her. “A bed is a luxury beyond compare.”
Elia looked stricken. Later, when I was sitting on the edge of the bed in my nightdress, I overheard her speaking in low tones with Lorcan in the hallway.
“The Gaol. She wasn’t serious.”
“She was. Half-starved when I found her.”
I suppose it’s no secret. Still. To me, he sounded unrepentant about the time he wasted gallivanting around. Taking pride in my rescue. Itwasa remarkable feat; no one else even made an attempt. Yet it struck the wrong note. I didn’t catch what they said next, until Elia said, “—grateful for you returning him to us.”
Fixing everyone else’s life, basking in his glory. Alone.
Are you sure that in marrying Lorcan, you aren’t marrying a man precisely like your father?
I don’t want to believe that. And yet, the possibility is there, that he will slowly confine me to my castle prison again in the name of safety. Only allow me to leave on approved occasions, under heavy guard, leaving me to chafe under the restrictions necessary to keep me alive.
Quietly usurp the power that is rightfully mine.
He could do it, easily. Lorcan has a deep well of popular support to draw from. I don’t. Not at home. Only abroad, which hardly signifies to people who have been fighting for their very lives. In theory, marrying him means I, too, will benefit from that support. In practice, I feel uneasy about the imbalance.
We were more equal, oddly enough, when we were the princess and the knight. Both of us consigned to roles we might rather not play, but must. Now, he is free to be whomever he wishes, while I’m as shackled to destiny as ever. I’m more envious of that fact than I am of the women.
What if this is my biggest princess fail yet?
“Princess,” he said, coming into our shared guest room.
“Knight,” I shot back.
He took his place on the bed beside me. “Zosia.”
“That’s better, Lorcan.”
“Old habits die hard.”
“I won’t be a princess for much longer.”
“No. I suppose not.”
I don’t want to fight. I wanted these fissures of doubt to stop eroding our relationship before it gets traction. It’s easier to ignore them when I’m lying in his arms, but we don’t have that luxury. We’re on the move back to my castle.
Late that afternoon, we came to the burned-out, silent shell of a hamlet beside the Great Rielka River.
“What is this place?” I whispered. I didn’t need to pitch my voice so low, but the sight of so many broken buildings gave me shivers.
