“Unh.” What I meant to say is utterly demolished, but that’s too many syllables. Lorcan freed my hands. I rubbed my wrists, which bore dark, indented rings. He hadn’t tied them very tight. I pulled against my restraints while in the process of losing my mind.
He dropped one arm over my stomach. I rolled onto my side, facing him, draping one leg over his waist. We’re doing this now, right? Finally?
Lorcan skimmed one hand down my body from shoulder to knee. He buried his face against my neck and sighed. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I held him close like this. Anticipation rose. I couldn’t be more ready to lose my virginity, at long last.
“You still have to finish painting me,” he murmured.
“I am not capable of a commensurate performance, Knight.”
Painting was nice, but it wasn’t what I wanted. His laughter puffed warmly over my skin.
“It’s not a competition.” He kissed me and rolled onto his back. It’s interesting to have my face above his, to be the one bending down. He tasted like me. I shifted to get a better angle on an open-mouthed kiss. Lorcan palmed my ass, pressing down, until I was straddling his waist, on my knees and elbows.
“Please,” I whispered.
“Later, Princess.”
Disappointment leached into my arousal, killing it. Always later. Never now.
“Why?” I whined.
“So we can do things right. Take our time.”
Take our time? The fuck?What have we been doing for the past few years? What have we been doing all afternoon?
Lorcan, annoyingly, was serious. He took my hips and shifted me off him.Damn, double damn, triple damn.
Sitting up, he offered me the bowl of paint. “You missed a few spots.”
The head of his cock protruded from the insufficient coverage of his Ansi shorts. I ignored the bowl and reached for his erection, squeezing through the thin leather. Lorcan’s eyes screwed shut. “Fuck, Zosia—”
“Please?”
“Not now. You can touch me if you want to. No more.”
There’s something wrong with me. Whether it’s how I look now, or something else, I don’t know, but there has to be a reason he continues to refuse me.
Shame lanced through me.
I don’t want to think about this right now. I don’t want to be angry or sad. It’s probably nothing fixable, but I hate not knowing what the problem is. It’s me. I’m the problem.
Once might be enough, I told myself,if I time it right. Maybe I can put a blindfold on him and he can think about whatever kind of woman he does want to fuck, since I’m not it. Tahra, or Masika. That maid at River Bend, perhaps.
Lorcan turned his back. I straddled his hips from behind, on my knees, all of my front pressed to his entire back. Not bad, actually. I can touch all of him while still hiding. Starting in the center of his chest, I worked my way down. The texture of his skin over taut muscle, interrupted in places by scar tissue, made me ache with want. Again. Already. Nothing seems to change that. I kissed the nape of his neck.
With a fortifying inhale, I carefully extracted him. There’s not much room for me to to stroke. His whole body tightened as I worked my hand up and down as best I could.
I’m grateful for the low light. He can’t see anything other than my hands and arms. Touching him like this, however, made me feel the depth of my inexperience. I can’t possibly do it right. I faltered.
“You—you should take over.” I released him.
“Okay, Princess?” he asked, half-turning to me.
Not really.“Fine.”
His refusal rattled me. I’d rather have him inside me than pretend I can please him like this. I held back, watching with interest in hopes I might learn something. Ever the diligent student.
Lorcan didn’t take long. A few strokes, a tensing of his body, his breath harsh. I keep myself out of the way, plastered against his back, peeking over his shoulder. Milky liquid gleamed in the crevices and planes of his abdomen.
