We spent the rest of the day packing up our belongings and closing up the house. Rya and Arya came for dinner so we could use up our food, to thank them for hosting the party and to say our goodbyes.
Tomorrow, we face the real test. Can we put aside our personal problems long enough to work together effectively for the next few months? Or will they continue to bubble up as arguments and impede Auralia’s progress?
The success or failure of my reign rests on whether I can guide my ravaged country through the next few months. Whether I can give my people hope for the future when I, personally, don’t have much.
* * *
Tovian waved as we rode down the path into Covari Village.
“You’re late,” he grinned, his white teeth flashing. Although they look very different from one another, Tovian reminds me of Lorcan in many ways. Tovian is all easygoing good humor, while Lorcan is—or used to be—shy and quiet. Yet both men maintain a somewhat bewildering sense of optimism, despite projecting an air of casual lethality.
“Royalty is always on time,” Lorcan clasped his friend’s hand.
“Not when she’s keeping other royals waiting,” Tovian replied, bowing slightly to me. He, too, is a prince, or the equivalent of one in the Ansi tradition. As I understand it. I’m keen to learn more about his people. “If it were you and I, Lorcan, we could leave tonight. I doubt Sas will let us make the princess sleep outside, though.”
“I’ve done it before,” I informed him loftily, untying my pack and loosening the saddle on my horse.
“Even if Saskaya approves, I want Zosia to rest properly,” Lorcan said. “It’ll be a rough ride down to Oceanside. The others are here?”
“Keryn arrived two days ago. We’ve been waiting on you two.”
Tahra came darting out of the barn and offered to help untack his horse. I bit back a smile and tried to remember Saskaya’s admonishment that a seventeen-year-old is no threat to me. It’s easier to keep that in mind after our breakthrough in Tenáho.
It won’t matter in a few months, anyway. Once I relinquish my public claim on Lorcan, Tahra can have him.
Mine, a little voice whispered.
He isn’t, though. He never really was, any more than I’ve belonged to myself.
The toddler climbed down the steps, leading with the same foot each time, and darted toward me. My heart swelled.
“Sethi!” I scooped up my brother’s small body. He giggled and patted my cheeks with sticky hands, squealing, “Zozo!”
Apparently, Zosia is too much of a mouthful for a toddler. I officially have a nickname. It’s unexpectedly charming.
“Where’s Mama?” I asked, not expecting a response, nor getting one. Instead, he wriggled out of my arms and ran over to Lorcan and Tovian.
“I see where I stand.” Pretending to pout, I hoisted my pack. The sight of Lorcan holding my little brother squeezes my insides every time. It’s a pang of loss for what can’t be, and for the gross unfairness of my plan. He might hate me for what I’ve done, when he finds out. But he will have other children, with other women—for all either of us know, he might already have a few.
If he’s been that careless with other women, there is no rational reason for him to be upset about me joining the queue.
Our daughter will be mine alone. Assuming I can bear one.
“Tenáho was good for you,” Saskaya remarked upon noting my new weight, squarely in theunderweightcategory instead ofseverely underweight, where I was before I left, and well abovevery severely underweightas I was when I first arrived.
“It was.”
“You look happier.”
“I am.”
“Did you work things out with your knight?” Saskaya asked, setting aside her notes.
“More or less.” Nothing concrete. Only a vague plan to seduce him, which Lorcan is thus far cheerfully going along with, and get pregnant, which he doesn’t know about.
“When will you announce the wedding?” My friend tapped the air with one foot. “I noticed there was no mention of it in the announcement about your coronation ceremony. A lot of people did.”
“When we’re ready.” Meaning, never. But Lorcan gave me the perfect excuse. “Lorcan hasn’t technically proposed to me. He says he’s waiting for me to ‘stop running’, whatever that means.”
