“He’s getting hungry,” Raina said, taking back her son. Lorcan stroked my shoulder.
“See? Babies are nice. I remember when Arya was born. I was so excited to have a little sister.” He made a rueful face. “Had I known what a pain in the ass she’d turn out to be, I might have reconsidered.”
We both laughed. Arya has thrown herself into learning English, badgering both Scarlett and Hallie for conversational practice. She’s determined to study journalism abroad and has even started distributing her own newspaper here at home. It’s been surprisingly successful.
The next morning, I made my tea without contraceptive leaves.
Lorcan is still taking his. I can always change my mind.
* * *
Shortly after our visit to the Ansi Village and arrival in Oceanside, I started feeling tired and my breasts ached at the slightest contact.
Lorcan was perplexed as to why I suddenly didn’t want to be touched there. I was confused as to how this had happened so quickly. (I mean, I know how it happened—the Ansi painting ritual was definitely a factor.) There was no avoiding the fact that I was pregnant. Early stages, but the onset of nausea confirmed it. Knocked up.
I felt a lot of conflicting ways about it, and as usual, my instinct was to keep it all inside. It’s a shock to find out that I could evengetpregnant, considering my family history. There’s a chance I’m still too underweight to carry a baby to term. What if I lose the pregnancy? Miscarriage is common. I knew that from my mother’s struggles.
I don’t want to get Lorcan’s hopes up and then disappoint him. Speaking of whom,he was supposed to be taking contraceptives. When the hell did he stop?! Did he stop? Maybe our highly reliable brew conveniently failed?
But if I don’t tell him and the worst happens, I would have to go through a miscarriage all alone. I don’t want that, either. He’d be hurt if I didn’t tell him. We agreed to be honest with one another.
Plus, the longer I try to keep this a secret, the longer I have to keep pretending I’m fine, when I’m too tired to do anything but lay on my back in the sun. Laying on my back is about the right amount of energy expenditure for me.
“You’re going to get a sunburn,” Lorcan told me, with an edge of annoyance, as his shadow fell over my face. I cracked one eyelid open. His blue eyes were barely visible in the overhang of his hair. They match the color of the sky.
“Mm.” I brushed his hair away from my forehead and smiled up at him.
“What’s going on with you, Zosia?”
“Tired.”
The shadow moved away. He flopped down onto the blanket beside me. “You didn’t get out of bed until late.”
“Never been a morning person.” I shrugged.
“Later than usual, Princess.”
“Queen,” I reminded him lazily. Lorcan snorted.
“Now you’ve made it as far as the beach, and you’re barely moving. Are you feeling okay?”
“Did you get tired of rock climbing?” I asked sweetly.
“I got tired of rock climbingalone.” He tugged my limp hand. “Come on, let’s swim.”
“With sharks?”
“They’re not a problem this close to shore and you know it.” He rolled up onto his side, propping his head with one hand and frowning at me. “Seriously, Zosh. You’ve been like this for days.”
“Just relaxing.”
I grinned. Lorcan wasn’t amused.
“Are you sure you’re not still sick from the fish?”
Another telltale sign: I developed a sudden reaction to the taste of seafood. Which is a bit of a problem in a place where seafood is the primary source of sustenance. The night of our arrival, I took two bites of salted cod and threw up.
“No, it’s not the fish.”
