It seems so obvious now that I could have walked out of the house, right then and there. I could have turned my back on my grandfather and chosen Lexa.
Would he have sent a death squad after us? Would he really have done that to me?
Sighing, I get up from the bed and head downstairs. Grandfather’s beatings when I was a child were pretty brutal.I learned early on that strict obedience—and a certain amount of enthusiasm for his cruelty—were the only ways to avoid his punishments.
It’s over now. All over. I don’t know how to explain this to her or how to apologize, but I’m grateful that I have the chance now.
In the kitchen, I make a big cup of sweet, rich cocoa and put together a plate of cookies and fancy chocolates.
I lived for so many years thinking I’d lost her… and even though I tried so hard to find her, I was afraid to face her.
How could I possibly explain to Lexa that I did what I did because the fear of my grandfather was stronger than my desire for her? It would have meant explaining everything about him, the inner workings of the top council. And after she heard about all the other horrible things I’d ever done, there was a good chance she wouldn’t even want me.
Then her mother…
I pick up the plate and cup and make my way slowly up the stairs. There is no possible way I can approach this subject. I asked her why she left town as delicately as I could, fishing to find out what she knows, or suspects.
Did she leave, or was she taken? The house was untidy—not exactly wrecked, though. What happened first—her mother’s death or the decision to leave? And where has she been all this time?
I wish I could just ask my questions straight out, but I’m too afraid. If I admit that I found her mother’s body and brought her back to town, she might think I had something to do with it.
She can’t possibly know my grandfather had just placed a kill order on them… and that I was tasked to carry it out!
Fear ripples through me, making itchy goosebumps rise up across my shoulders. As I come back into the bedroom to put the cocoa and snacks down on the counter next to the bed, I let the feeling run in my blood, thinking of new angles I’d never considered.
What if Grandfather gave the kill order to the rest of his squad? Slade, Bolton, and Wick would have jumped at the chance. Maybe they got there ahead of me, killed poor Laura, and sent Lexa running for her life…
The idea is well within reason, and it truly does scare me. Grandfather took Grandmother out on their mysterious mission pretty much immediately, so I never had a chance to talk about other orders he might have given or find out his plans.
It would have been just like him to bring in his favorite brutes to make sure the job got done.
There was no point in asking those three goons, either. They were savages who lived outside of town and eagerly obeyed the orders of the elders, especially when it involved murder and torture.
I get undressed slowly, putting on an old, soft robe. My mind is churning, and my body feels tense, as if electricity is dancing across my bones.
How am I ever going to sleep in this state?
Even though I decide to wait up so I can talk to Lexa after she finishes her bath, I end up chickening out and pretending to be asleep when she comes into the room. I hear her faint sound of surprise as she discovers the cocoa and cookies, and her moan of pleasure as she enjoys the snack.
I’ll make breakfast for her in the morning. This was a poor excuse for a wedding dinner.
The bed squeaks and bounces a little as she wriggles back, getting more comfortable as she finishes her cocoa. Now all the ugly thoughts have fled, and I’m completely distracted by her rich scent mingling with the cocoa and sweet cookies.
I wonder what it would be like to kiss her with chocolate on my tongue.
I hold in a groan as I imagine the soft candy melting slowly, and the heat of her mouth as I paint her lips with creamy chocolate.
Suddenly, I realize I’m hard as a rock, so lost in my lust that I’m almost writhing under the blanket. Thankfully, Lexa is still sipping her cocoa and eating cookies, her back to me. She seems very relaxed, and I say a brief prayer that she didn’t notice me slipping into sexual rapture.
And I am obsessed. Not a single night has gone by where I didn’t think of her, dream of her, beg the universe to bring her back to my arms…
Closing my eyes tightly, I force myself to take slow breaths. My muscles gradually let go, loosening up as I focus on relaxing and try to forget Lexa is sitting less than a foot away, wrapped in nothing but a towel.
A towel! Wait… she has no clothes!
She. Has. No. Clothes.
My chest tightens so much, I can’t breathe. All my efforts to relax explode in my face as the desire to reach over and take her almost overpowers me.
