“I...I don’t know,” my voice cracks, and I swipe at the tears running down my cheeks. “I just... I need some time.”
He stays quiet for a long time, shaking his head, as if he’s trying to convince himself of something. He drops his eyes to the floor, opening and closing his fists a few times, before he finally agrees and makes his way to my front door.
I know I told him I needed some time, and I do, but watching him walk away has my chest constricting. I turn, paying attention to every step he takes, seeing the moment his hand hesitates over the doorknob.
“Even in the waiting, I’m yours. I always have been,” he says before he walks out of my house, shutting the door behind him, and I realize that my heart was never ready for him to leave.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Luke
The sound of metal clanking together, the occasional grunt or two, and the scent of sweat fills the space around me. I normally can block these things out while I’m at the gym, but after three nights of no sleep, it’s getting harder to ignore anything, especially the noise in my own mind.
I shake my head and chug the rest of my pre-workout drink, hoping it’ll kick in soon and give me the push I need. Ashton and Zane make their way into the gym, their duffel bags slung over their shoulders, and nod at me in greeting. I give them a wave, hoping that they won’t come over and chat with me, as rude as that might sound, but I’m not in the mood.
I return my attention to the weights I have beside me and start doing my set of curls.One, two, three.I wonder if Olivia is up yet.Four, five, six.Maybe she’ll finally talk to me today.Seven, eight, nine, ten.Should I be the one to text first?
I set the weights down and reach over to the bench behind me for my phone. I open our text thread, seeing nothing new displayed, and stare at the last photo she had sent me, of Buttercreamfinally letting her snuggle with him. I would grin at the image if my heart wasn’t so broken.
I miss her.
I wasted so many years trying to outrun my feelings for Olivia, many attempts at relationships, trying to find someone who could make me feel complete, when all along, the only way I would feel whole is withher. She’s the only one who has been there for me, willing to put the pieces back together, and I kept running away.
All because of cowardice and fear.
I pick up the weights again and begin my second set.
I thought by leaving her that night that I was taking care of her. Like the flame on a candle, I wanted to protect her light from life’s harsh winds, even if some of those winds were caused by me. That morning, when she woke me up with ice water, I saw that her light had disappeared. It felt as if my heart had been torn out of my chest, because I knew that I was the reason that she fell into the darkness.
“Hey, bud,” Zane greets me with a clasp on my shoulder, and I tense.
He gives me an apologetic smile and releases his hand. “Hey,” I reply before returning my weights to the rack.
Ashton eyes me curiously, but instead of saying anything, he shoves his hands into his pockets and presses his lips together. Zane, however, is nosy. “Everything alright?” Zane asks.
“Yep,” I snap and turn toward the cable machine that’s behind us.
Zane lifts a brow, following me like the annoying little brother that he is, putting his nose where it doesn’t belong. “I know Olivia and you?—”
“Zane!” Ashton practically growls, demanding his best friend’s attention. “Let's leave the man alone.”
I give Ashton an appreciative nod before grabbing the pull-up handle and liftingmyself off the ground.
“I care about you both and—” Zane goes to add, but Ashton gives him a small shove, shutting him up. I focus on doing a set of pull ups until my arms are burning so badly that I have to let go. The lack of sleep really is getting to me.
“Want to box it out?” Ashton asks, nudging a chin at me.
I eye them cautiously. “Box it out?”
“Come on.” Ashton turns and motions for us to follow him to the back room where a small boxing ring is set up. I follow them, even though I’d rather let loneliness consume me. I wish I didn’t cling tightly to isolation any time I’m grieving. It’d be better for me if I would reach out for help, but being a loner is easier. It’s less painful to only trust yourself than to trust someone not to abandon you.
Ashton tosses a pair of gloves at me before sliding on his own pair. I’d much rather box against Zane, who would be an easier opponent and a quicker defeat, so I can end this and go back to the weights. Ashton, however, is built like a lumberjack.
He’s got more upper-body strength than anyone I’ve ever met, making him a great addition to Ryland and Zane’s construction crew. I can see the outline of every muscle in his arms. I bet the guy could knock me out with one punch. Did Olivia put the guys up to this? I deserve a beating for how I hurt her, but it doesn’t mean I’d willingly put myself in this situation.
“Do you want to go against the lion or the grizzly bear?” Zane asks, wearing a smug smirk across his face that I’d very much like to punch away.
I cock a brow. “Are those your wrestler names?”
