Instead of fighting the urge, I lean into it, wrapping my arm around Olivia’s shoulder, bringing her closer to me. My instinct is to go slow and see how she’ll react to each slight adjustment as we fake a relationship in front of my family. I’m starting to wonder if it’ll be enough. I only have three and a half days to gently show her how I truly feel.
“So you’ve been friends since middle school. But when did you realize it was more than friendship?” Sophie asks.
Without thinking too much, I place my nose to the shell of her ear and whisper, “It was just today actually.” I linger for a moment, reveling in the way goosebumps appear over her skin.
She clears her throat, and knowing that I have some sort of an effect on her is going to drive me crazy. I want to push against the boundaries we’ve created, see how far we can take this fake relationship, even if it’s a hoax, even if it’s temporary. I want Olivia to become mine.
“Well, I think the moment I knew we had to take things to the next level was when I witnessed Luke wearing a pair of suede-leather pants. I saw the fringe and knew I was a goner.”
A loud boom of laughter escapes me—so hard that I snort embarrassingly. I return my gaze to Olivia and catch the way she’s looking at me, and it presses into something I’ve kept locked up for a long time.
“Suede pants, huh?” Sophie’s husband says, looking at his wife. “I should get myself a pair and see what it does for Sophie.”
“Please don’t,” she says before taking a bite of her pasta, her hazel eyes giving him a silent warning.
“What about you, Luke?” my grandmother asks, eyeing uscautiously as she takes a sip of her water. I wonder then if she knows we’re faking. If she can see right through us.
“I just sort of knew one day that I loved her. It started with the little things. The way she scrunches her nose when she laughs, or how she dances while she’s baking, or how she’s always finding a way to take care of those around her. It’s always been there; it just took me a while to act on it.”
As the words leave me, truths hiding within them, it feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. It’s a truth that I once kept burrowed deep in my soul, and now I’ve let it free. Everyone at the table sighs—everyone but Olivia, who stiffens under my arm as her wide eyes blink up at me.
How can something as delicate as the truth be so dangerous?Did I cross the line?
“Yeah, it was just the fringe for me,” Olivia says, laughter filling the room again. “But I’ve always known I loved him too.”
She leans closer into my shoulder, giving my chest a pat, a sigh releasing from her as she does. I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long, and when it finally happens, it’s all for show. We’ve told each other we love each other a few times over the years but in a friendship sort of way.
Not like this.
During the rest of dinner, Jerrica and Olivia seem to have hit it off, leaving me to catch up with the rest of my family. I fill them in on things going on in Covewood, how work has been, and updates on Mom. Once our plates are clear and we’re all complaining of full bellies, Olivia and I stand up together to make our way into the kitchen to help with the dishes.
I slip my hand into hers, loving how soft her palm feels against mine, not missing how my heart does one of those fluttering things where it takes your breath away. She usually only holds my hand or gives me a hug for no longer than three seconds. Always super quick. Sometimes I even catch her counting softly to herself, but I never say anything.
I like having an excuse to touch her longer, to treat her asmine. I’ll happily settle for whatever little increments she’ll give to me. It would probably be better for my sanity that way too.
I want to prove to myself that I could be worthy of her. I’m not the same person that I was when I was eighteen and messed everything up between us. I’ve slowly been working on becoming the best version of myself that I can be.
Which is someone Olivia deserves.
If I can walk away from this weekend, leaving the past and all the hurt behind me, then maybe I can move forward and chase after what would truly make me happy. I’ve spent so long locking the door on my feelings for Olivia, but this feels like the door is cracking open for us, even if she has friend-zoned me and might not even harbor romantic feelings for me. The thought alone scares the crap out of me, but she’s worth the risk.
I stare at her, trying to sort through all these strange feelings. She looks back at me, reaching into the sink to start washing dishes, her cheeks blooming beneath my gaze. With the way her brows pierce together, I wonder if I’m looking at her in a different way. Even if I am, I don’t care to hide it anymore.
I continue to stare, not able to look away from her. It sends a wave of warmth coursing through me. We don’t break eye contact for a long moment, making the warmth rise up to a temperature I’m sure will have me combusting. She opens her mouth to say something right as Nonni, Aunt Andy, Dani, and Jerrica all shuffle into the kitchen, their loud voices booming around us.
They’re deep into a debate about which Christmas movie they want to watch this evening while Olivia and I peel our eyes away from each other, her quietly scrubbing away on each dish, and me drying and placing them on the rack.
As Olivia hands me the last dish, I purposely link our fingers together. Her face twists up toward mine, and I wonder if she can feel the same spark that runs up the length of my arm and down my spine. How I can feel her touch everywhere, theactual spot where her fingers are pressed against mine but also how I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, the backs of my knees, the heat building inside my stomach.
I feel Olivia everywhere, in all the ways I never thought I would be allowed.
I say softly, “Thank you for volunteering to help with the dishes.”
She stays silent, holding in a breath, her eyes dancing with mine. I wonder if she can read the truth in them, sense it in the way my pulse is pounding against her fingers that are still grazing mine.
“You two are the cutest!” Aunt Andy practically shouts, clapping her hands together, and it’s enough to break whatever trance Olivia was in.
She blinks a few times, looking over toward her, her lips quivering into an awkward smile. “Thanks.”
