The taste of lingering whiskey on his tongue is enough to bring me back to reality, reminding me that Luke is drunk, and that’s the only reason why he’s kissing me. He’s not thinking straight, and neither am I. Because as I’m standing here, kissing my best friend, I have somehow forgotten that I have a boyfriend.
I breathe, suddenly pulling back. One of us needs to stop this. His eyes are searching mine, the emotions swirling in them mirroring my own.
“Luke, we can’t.” The words escape on a breath.
“Why not?” he pleads, taking my hands in his.
“Because I have a boyfriend. And you’re drunk?—”
He runs a hand against my cheek, grabbing my attention. “Don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Deny this.” He moves his hand between the two of us. “I don’t want to bejustyour friend, Liv. I wantmorewith you.” He hiccups, and it’s another reminder that he’s only saying these things because of the alcohol running through his bloodstream.
“I have a boyfriend,” I say firmly, even though I was theone who forgot all about Barry these last few minutes. Guilt pools inside my gut.What kind of girlfriend does that?
He huffs a humorless laugh. “Who’s a jerk that treats you like dirt. You told me you weren’t sure you’d stay together after graduation. What if you dump him and choose me instead?”
“It’s not that easy,” I croak.
“Choosing each other should always be easy.”
“But it’s not.”
“Why? When you want something so badly, it’s an easy choice.”
“Oh really?” I ask, and he nods. “Then stop drinking.”
He huffs, like this simple request is too much for him. Luke has always had a complicated relationship with alcohol. It’s understandable, with a father like his, that Luke does things that he never thought he’d ever do—the drinking, the anger, the way he spirals into someone I barely recognize.
I hate seeing him like this, and I know that if he was sober, he wouldn’t be doing this right now. However, for me, I’m completely sober, and yet I still chose to kiss him.
“Done,” he finally says.
“Really, Luke?” Hope slips into my voice before I can stop it.
“Really,Olivia.” He takes another step closer to me. “I will give up alcohol, tacos, my favorite leather jacket if it means that you’ll finally let yourself see me as someonemore. I’ll give up anything for you. It’sreallythat easy for me.”
We stand there, studying one another, saying nothing for what feels like forever. It’s always the deepest of feelings that reveal themselves in the silence. It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.
Luke and I have been afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let each other know how much we truly mean to one another. Expressing to Luke how special he is to me will make us both vulnerable. There’s no denying that. Even so, there’ssomething beautiful—magical, even—in this moment because we’ve stripped down enough to be honest with each other.
I make a choice, and I know in my heart that it’s going to change everything.
“Making you give up tacos would be way too cruel, even for me.” I fight against a grin. “The jacket, however, I will gladly claim as mine.”
A captivating smile takes over Luke’s face, but then he winces, as if the movement causes him pain as he reaches up to touch the bruise on his face. He hiccups again, and I shake my head at him.
“Please go drink some water and eat something,” I say, nudging my chin toward where I see a few of our classmates roasting hot dogs over the fire. “Try to sober up, okay? I’ll go talk with Barry. Let's meet by my car in an hour. We can talk more.”
“Okay,” he says, leaning in to give my cheek a small, lazy peck before stumbling toward the crowd, already halfway gone.
I watch him go, my lips still warm from his kiss, and then I turn to see where Barry is, laughing with his friends as if nothing’s wrong. Like I’m not about to walk over there and wreck everything with the one truth I can’t keep hiding anymore.
I exhale sharply, the sound too loud in my ears, and square my shoulders. My stomach tightens with nerves, but I force a steady step forward. I know what I have to do, even if my heart is still tangled up in guilt and confusion.
When the last words fall out of my mouth and Barry’s smile fades, I don’t feel relief. There is only a hollow ache of something unraveling too fast to stop. An hour later, I’m standing by my car, arms wrapped around myself, fighting against the cool night air, as I wait for Luke.
