My brows pull together, hating the pain I see in his expression. “I’m sure hearing his voice was a shock and dug up some old feelings you’ve been trying to keep buried.”
He looks up at me, and his eyes widen just a bit, but it’s enough for me to notice. He nods, agreeing with me. “Yeah. You could say that.”
“So what happened after?”
He laughs softly, but it’s not a happy sound. It’s disbelieving. There is a barely noticeable strain in his smile that tells me he’s struggling on the inside but is trying to keep it together around me. How do I show him that it’s safe for him to let go with me? I’m not afraid of whatever darkness lies within him. He doesn’t ever have to face it alone, because I’ll face it with him.
“I told him to never call back before I hung up and blocked his number.”
“That’s good, right?” I watch him closely.
“It was until my grandmother called and told me that he has kidney cancer. He’s on hospice, and she’s not sure how much longer he has left.”
My stomach hollows out as his words hit me. I can feel a slight tremble in my lips, so I bring a hand to my mouth, not hiding my shock from the news, because no matter how awful that man is, I would never wish cancer on him. I might wish for sudden diarrhea to hit him while he’s stuck in traffic with frequent sneezes, but never death.
“Luke, I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Luke’s face contorts with the hatred I despise seeing on him. “I’m not. Sounds like he got what was coming to him.” He huffs, and Buttercream stiffens in his grasp like he can senseLuke’s change of mood.
“I don’t think it’s good to wish death upon anyone—even someone as awful as your dad.”
He snorts. “I have a right to feel the way that I do.”
Luke goes to stand up, but I reach out a hand and stop him. “Don’t,” I protest, my voice wobbling a bit.
He freezes at my touch, his dark eyes blazing into mine. There is a storm brewing behind his stare, and I wish I could take it all away.
Luke and I were raised completely different. I have parents who love each other and treat me and my siblings well. We’re all really close. Witnessing the hardships for Luke and Raine, even Ryland and Zane, and everything they’ve had to experience with their own parents, has always made me feel lost in how to help them. No matter what I try to do, I’ve never been in that situation, so I’ll never fully understand how Luke is feeling right now.
I still want to help because it’s in my nature. It’s what I do. I’ll always love Luke, even when he doesn’t think he deserves that sort of adoration.
“Please don’t shut down and walk away. We can work through this together.” I suck in a breath, hoping it’ll help keep me steady as I continue, “Let me be here for you.”
Luke’s eyes soften as he relaxes. He nods, bringing Buttercream closer to him and giving his orange-and-white fur a soft stroke. “It’s hard,” he admits, pain lacing each word.
I reach out and go to hold his hand, but Buttercream hisses at me. Luke’s laugh rumbles from his chest. It’s the kind of achingly familiar laugh that’s almost nostalgic, like the taste of your grandparent’s cookies or the scent of your childhood home. I want to keep this feeling and somehow radiate it toward Luke.
He shifts Buttercream into his right arm so he can reach out and hold my hand. He gives mine a small squeeze, a silent invitation to let me in, and I can’t fight against the grin it gives me or the butterflies that take flight in mystomach.
“My grandmother moved her Christmas thing to next weekend so the whole family can come and say their goodbyes. I just…”
I bite my lip, holding onto my breath, and wait for him to finish what he needs to say. I give his hand a squeeze, letting him know I’m a safe place, and I ignore the effect that holding his hand longer than three seconds has on me.
“I don’t know if I want to go. I’m not sure I can.”
I nod, assuring him that I understand, before I give him my two cents. “That’s understandable, Luke.”
“I feel a ‘but’ coming.”
“Andyour feelings are valid,” I say instead because there is a ‘but’ I need to say.
“You sound like my therapist.” He snickers, a small grin tugging his lips.
“But…I think your grandmother is right. Even though this is the last thing you want to do and it would be extremely hard?—”
“Way to encourage me, Liv.”
“Let me finish!” I yell playfully and swat at his arm, earning a hiss from Buttercream.