Earl told me earlier that Raine is on her way. How do I explain to her that I wasn’t enough to help her grandmother? How can I face her after what happened between us all those years ago? I don’t think anything could have prepared us for this.
My phone vibrates inside my pocket, stealing my attention. “Hello?”
“Hey, honey. How is she?” Mom’s voice vibrates from the speaker. I excuse myself and walk down the hallway, away from everyone.
“I’m not sure. We haven’t heard any new updates yet. Some of her family has been able to go back and see her, but…I don’t know. I’m not sure I can handle seeing her hooked to machines. It’s too much like?—”
I hear a sniffle and the clanking of dishes in the background. “I understand. I can’t imagine how you must feel being back there and watching them go through this. That's why I don’t think I can be there.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “I know. They understand that. Plus, I need your help with Annabelle, and I’m very grateful for it.”
I’ve been a single parent since Annabelle was just an infant. Her mother struggled with postpartum depression, amongst other things, and she left us both. She even signed over her rights, giving me full custody of our daughter. It’s not been an easy journey, but it could be a lot harder.
Mom and Zane have been a huge help with Annabelle. Sometimes, Luke comes over to offer a distraction so I can get a few things done around the house. Other times, Earl and Johanna step in and babysit on the days Mom can’t. The community Annabelle and I have is such a blessing.
“Of course. That’s what grandmas are for.” The word grandma stings, and I release a pent-up breath in response. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I assure her, even though my heart tells me otherwise.
“I’ll be praying,” she says, “and I’ll let you know when Annabelle and I are back home after I pick her up from school. If you need anything, please let me know.”
“I will,” I reply. “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too, honey. Remember, God is in control.”
We end our phone call, and I take a few seconds to collect my thoughts and get a better grip on my emotions. I fight back the hot tears that are stinging my eyes. I have to stay strong. Why does it always seem to take me ten times as long to put myself back together as it does to fall apart?
I inhale a deep breath and turn to take a step back toward the waiting room; however, my whole body halts at the sight ofher.
Sometimes, it can feel like the past and the future are pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present. That is exactly what this moment feels like to me. It’s as if I am seeing a ghost, but instead of feeling scared, all I want to do is reach out and touch her. To make sure she’s really here.
Raine is running down the hallway in front of me. She’s wearing a black pencil skirt that hugs her hips, sending me flashbacks of when my hands used to do the same, and a green dressy shirt. She looks bewildered. Her lips are tucked into a thin line. Her grayish-blue eyes are wide with fear and framed with dark circles.
Once her eyes lock on mine, she slows to a jog, stopping only a few feet from me.
It’s been ten years since I’ve laid eyes on Raine, and that memory has me feeling unsettled. There are certain people who come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Even years later, I can still feel the hurt of knowing that we never really said goodbye. We just kind of ended.
The Raine I see before me is someone different from the woman who used to be my best friend, someone I fell for and loved with my whole heart. I had to let go of that version of Raine the moment she decided to leave Covewood.
Gosh, she is still so beautiful. I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t searched for her on social media from time to time. She doesn’t post many images of herself on Instagram, and her Facebook page is private. I never had the guts to try and add her as a friend. It was better that way.
The only time I got to see her over the years was through photos that our mutual friends, Olivia and Luke, had hanging in their homes or shared on their social media, or things that Earl and Johanna would show me from time to time.
The images didn’t do her any justice. During the beginning of our friendship, Raine embraced her natural beauty, letting her natural wavy dark-blonde hair hang wildly down her back, and she kept a bare face, never feeling the need for makeup. Iwitnessed a change in her, as if her natural sunshine became shaded by certain people in her life.
The last few years of high school, she chopped her hair into a short bob and dyed it fun colors. She claimed it was her way of being a rebel, but I always knew that the real reason was because it was something she could control in her life.
Somehow, between then and now, Raine has gone back to embracing her natural hair color and has it twisted into a well-kept bun at the nape of her neck. A loose strand has fallen and goes past her shoulders. It makes me wonder what her hair would look like down. Would she look more like my best friend from the past?
Her body, which used to be a little shorter and thinner, looks toned and cared for. Her eyes seem the same, which brings me a sense of relief, even though the expression on her face is indifferent. It’s clear that I’m not able to read her like I once could.
My eyes follow the loose strands of her hair to where the edges touch the nape of her neck, and that’s when I notice it—the rainbow necklace that I gifted to her years ago. She kept it? Even after everything that happened between us?What does that mean?
“Raine,” I say her name, unsure of what else there is to say at this moment. My brain can’t seem to catch up with what is happening around me. Having her stand here right in front of me, wearing the necklace, does something to my already broken heart. I’m filled with nerves now, and I catch myself leaning back on the heels of my feet, unsure of what to say or do.
I run a hand through my hair for a second time and stare at her like an idiot. She takes a step forward, blinking a few times, as if she can’t believe it’s me standing in front of her. “You’re here,” she says, nearly a whisper.
“Of course I am,” I reply, giving her a nod.
