“The one in the future?”
“Aye, hisotherkingdom, though with two we might need tae call it an empire.”
He was holding my hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. Then he let go to lift the ale to his lips.
I asked, “So are we going to stay here tonight?”
“Aye, I procured a room.”
“It’s a honeymoon.”
He chuckled. “Aye, I hae been makin’ excellent decisions, I am verra glad we got married. Ye would feel so sorry for me if I had tae sleep out in the hall in this terrible inn.”
I nodded. “And I’m so hot after riding with you, I don’t know if I could bear it.”
He chuckled. “Och, m’wife is enjoyin’ horse ridin’, I knew she would.”
A loud banging sounded behind us. Men raised their voices. Lochie laughed, shaking his head, slowly. “Yet when the tavern is full of drunks I daena think I will be able tae sleep with ye, even if I wanted tae—” He looked around the room, a cacophony of shouting and laughing, two guys drunkenly singing. “I will hae tae take watch in the hall. This is a rough inn, and the drovers are fillin’ the town with their stench and cattle.”
I pouted. “Darn it, I was looking forward to a hotel room and a nice bed.”
He joked, “And I paid extra for the private room so we winna hae tae share the bed with Old Sleaze-bag there, fartin’ and snorin’ all night.”
I gulped. “Ugh, sharingroomsis a thing? I’m relieved you’re rich.”
He looked around at the rafters and the walls. “This is rich? Och nae, I would hate tae see poor.”
Another loud bang. “When ye met me I was well-rested and comfortable, not a care in the world, and now look at me, I must sleep upright in passages with one eye open.” He turned his head, with one eye open, and glared at the men beside us, they abruptly looked away.
I laughed.
Food was brought to our table, wooden bowls with a gravy spooned over a type of fowl. A hunk of bread on the side. We were given spoons. Lochie pulled a switch blade from his sporran to cut the bread into smaller bits and we shared it to spear the meat and lift it to our mouths. “Like pirates.”
He said, “Aargh.”
I asked, “Do you know any pirates?”
He said, “Aye, Jack Sparrow, Barbossa, Turner?—”
I laughed, “I meant real life pirates, those are fromPirates of the Caribbean!”
He shrugged. “I hae spent many hours watchin’ the movies with the nephews, I feel as if I ken them.”
When we were finished eating, he pushed away his plate and rubbed his ear. “The crowd is growin’ louder and even more rowdy, we ought tae go up tae the room afore the brawlin’ starts.”
Carrying a candle he walked me up the creaky stairs to our room under the eaves of the thatched roof. There was a bed in the middle of the floor, covered in a ratty blanket, a small table beside it, a chamber pot. I pulled a small flashlight from my bag and used it to light my way to the dark corner where I pissed in a loud stream while Lochinvar put our bag down and searched through it. My pee was so loud I started giggling, hysterically. Downstairs the drunk men began to really belt out a song.
He began to laugh with me. “Tis a verra fine establishment, aye?”
“Four stars. No notes.” I hiccuped and shook my hips, trying to dry myself. I let my skirts down, smoothed them, and placed the flashlight on the bedside stand with the beam illuminating a small bit of the space. I sat on the bed while he peed in the pot. His stream of piss being quite loud made me giggle again. I said, “Now,thisis the height of luxury.”
I wiped my tears of laughter. “Has anyone noticed we’re lost do you think?”
He shook himself to dry and dropped his kilt. “Ye can return the day after ye left, nae one would even notice we are gone unless we canna fix it… I daena ken, but they will notice eventually.”
I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the bed. I shifted to make a soft place under my shoulder, but the mattress was thin in spots, bunched in others. I struggled to fluff it. “Because I think I should start my...” My voice trailed off.
I had left my menstrual cup back in Stirling in my suitcase, because I was only going to be on this errand for a day, two days tops.
