“Exactly.”
“So let’s say I believe you, I don’t, but let’s just say I do — how did you get out?”
“I was there for days.”
He shook his head.
I said, “Iwas.Long enough to really despair that I might die there.”
“In a compound in the 1200s?”
“Yep, I thought it was some bizarro cult.”
“Maybe it was?” His eyes glanced at the door, with Lochie standing there looking up and down the street. “You’re in a cult, you’ve got an armed guard now, making sure you don’t get out of line.”
“Except he’s not worried that I’m out of line. He’s out there. I could say anything I want to you.”
He nodded. “So how did you get away from this cult compound?”
“Lochie and Magnus and Fraoch, you met all of them, they mounted a rescue. They sent a drone over the wall and shot missiles into the compound, they killed the guards. There was armed combat through the streets. It wascrazy. They found me, and we raced out to their waiting horses.”
He stopped wiping to say, “Horsesanddrones?”
“Yep, they can take weapons from now, back to then. They don’t want to, they try not to mess up the history of the world, but sometimes they have to use modern weapons. For my rescue they used drones. Some of the guards holding me were armed too, that’s what’s so confusing about being there. At first I thought I had been kidnapped by a cult, because, one, time travel doesn’t exist, and two, even though everything around me looked old, like living in a museum, the guys who kidnapped me were wearing modern clothes. A few of the guards carried modern weapons. It confused me. But then Asgall showed up and forced me to sign a contract, marrying him. I did, because I wanted to survive, I had to escape. I kind of thought I was somewhere in Florida, near by, you know, because I couldn’t have gone far... but he told me I was in Scotland and that the year was 1296. It was a mind screwer.”
“You thought it was Florida?”
“I mean not really... it just, none of it made sense. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“So Lochinvar and his brothers rescued you, brought you here?”
“No, they jumped with me to a castle in the eighteenth century.”
“Bullshit.”
I said, “It’s not bullshit, have I ever bullshitted you?”
“You’re generally pretty straight up, but we joke a lot. How are you not joking right now?”
“I’m not, why would I make any of this up? Why would I want you to think I’m crazy? They took me to a castle, I’ve been staying there while I recovered from my dislocated shoulder.”
“How many days?”
“Another three. I’ve been gone for at least a week. Maybe more.” I counted on my fingers then said, “Can’t remember, brain is fuzzy from the time jump.”
He sat there for a moment, kind of huffing, looking down at the ground. Then he said, “Look, I want to take what you’re saying as true, because we’ve been friends for years and I thought we weregoodfriends. Please don’t lie to me, please don’t let me find out later that you developed a drug addiction and this is you hitting bottom. Or you’re in some sister marriage cult and you’re trying to recruit me.”
“I promise, none of that. Being kidnapped in the thirteenth century almost turned me off alcohol altogether. They drank ale, barely any water?—”
“That’s not really my point. I’m just naming a couple of possibilities ofallthe ways you could be using this cockamamie tale to cover for something terrible going on with you — please don’t.”
“I won’t. I promise. We are friends. You’ve been my closest friend for a long time. When I was recuperating in the castle all I wanted was to get back here to let you know I was okay. I was worried about you. I knew you were freaking out. If I was in a cult or a drug addict, I think I would have come up with a much better, more believable, excuse, you know?”
“Yeah, I know... you have a much better imagination...” He looked down at the ground for a long time then said, “Fine, I believe you.”
“You do? What made you decide?”
“Your boots, actually. Those are your favorite boots and you usually have them shined and pretty. You were wearing them last night, at work. Now look at them, they look like they’ve been on a weeklong trek through a Scottish forest.”
