I laughed. “Nae, tis nae how it works!”
As we passed the table I dropped down in m’chair. “They are useless for modelin’, but I’m tryin’ tae show ye how tis tae have a life that follows a line and what if someone stepped from their line, could their life continue on? Separate from the original path?”
His brow drew down. “If ye hae stepped from the path of yer life, ye hae died, Mag Mòr.”
“Nae, that is nae what I mean.” I exhaled. “I meant…” I thought for a moment, studyin’ my hands. “If ye were livin’, nae dead, could ye live on beside yer own life?”
Young Clyde asked, “Like a ghost, sire?”
Jim the Braw, who was kent for saying things twice as loud as he ought, yelled, “Och, I ken! Ye would be a shadow!”
I banged my hand down on the table, almost knockin’ over m’ale. “Exactly! Like a shadow. Ye ken how yer shadow is there beside ye? What if ye could live a life as a shadow of yerself?”
Caillean stared intae the rafters for a moment. I could tell he was drunk by the way he held his mouth. “I daena really understand.”
I exhaled. “That is all right, I daena understand either, nae really.” I lifted m’ale tae m’lips and sipped.
He continued tae stare intae the rafters, then said, “What I daena understand is how ye can think that life goes in one straight path — this is nae how it goes. Ye are mighty confused on it.”
“I am nae confused, from birth tae death, ye take one step after another along a path.” I walked my fingers on the planks of the table.
“Nae, Mag Mòr, nae, tis nae a long path, yer life is a wheel and time is rollin’ by.”
I laughed. “How does that work?”
“A life goes from the beginnin’, a bairn born of God and turns around becomin’ reunited with God in the end. Ye are alone at the beginnin’ and again at the end, ye ken, ye canna think of it as a path — tis a wheel. Ye might collect people along the way but they are their own wheel, they are going tae live and die as well.” Then he laughed. “I canna believe ye think it is a path. Where are ye goin’ on the path?”
“I am going tae the future of m’life.” I waved m’hands. “I suppose tis a pig-stupid idea.” Then I added, “Daena tell m’friend, Madame Beaty, that I said ‘pig-stupid’, she believes a pig tae be the wisest of animals.”
Caillean said, “Mag Mòr, if ye think of yer life as a wheel, ye daena hae tae worry about goin’ anywhere, except back home intae the arms of God.”
I said, “So if yer life is a wheel, what if ye were on a different wheel — or a cart rolling tae a different place?”
He said, “Mag Mòr, why dost ye want tae be on a different path or a wheel? Ye ought tae be content tae remain where ye are, tae shift from yer life is tae die.”
“Och, Caillean, dost ye think if I am livin’ a life alongside another life that holds m’family, that I may be dead?”
“Tis exactly what I believe, ye would be a spirit unleashed from the world, a lifeless soul, a wandering, untethered entity. Tis nae somethin’ ye should wonder about — ye ought tae ask God for forgiveness. He has given ye yer life, ye must live it in gratitude.”
I exhaled, “Aye, I will stop wonderin’ on it.” Yet I continued on, “Or ye might think of it like this, hae ye seen the spindle that Mary uses?”
He groaned, but was laughin’ as well. “Ye canna drop the idea, Mag Mòr? All right, aye, I hae seen a spindle.”
“Hae ye seen the yarn, when it has been wrapped tightly?”
He chuckled. “Aye, I hae seen yarn. What is yer point?”
“What if a life is like that wound yarn… tis a bit unraveled at the beginning, wound tightly through the middle, then unwound again at the end, frayed out.” I raised my glass. “Aye, this is more what I mean, Caillean, ye might hae yer past and yer future wound taegether, and what if they become unraveled at the end?”
He raised his brow. “How long is the strand, is it long like a path? Are ye tryin’ tae convince me that life is a long path and now a long strip of yarn?”
“Nae, not like a path.” I stared off intae space.
“Ye are goin’ tae upset yerself, Mag Mòr, thinking on this — if ye believe it like a wheel, ye will be pleased. Life goes in a circle: the seasons, the years, the day, the life. It all begins with sunrise and ends with a sunset, up and down, and around.”
“That is all it is?”
“That is all it is. If ye want off it, ye daena get tae decide. Tis up tae God when ye will leave the wheel.”
