Samantha sits up straight, and after wiping the remaining tears from her eyes with trembling fingers, she fiddles with her hands in her lap.
"You want to ask me something, don't you?"I say in a mild voice."I realize I may not always look approachable, but I am.Especially for you, Samantha."
"Even for the lady stuff?"she adds with a slight grin.
I clear my throat, heat crawling up my neck."Okay, you've got me there.Maybe not for everything."
She chuckles, then her expression turns serious."How did you meet my mom?"A gentle flush of pink colors her cheeks.
I hold my breath for a moment as I ponder how to answer this delicate question.Samantha's eyes lower as she awaits my reply, her shoulders tensing like she's preparing for rejection.
Honesty has worked the best so far, so...
"I was seventeen when my dad died, and I struggled a lot to deal with it.I had just finished high school and needed a break.So when an old friend of my father's asked me if I wanted to work and help out at his firm in Los Angeles, I said yes.That's where I met your mom.She was a server in a diner where I'd go during my lunch breaks."
Her lips curl up as she listens, hungry for every detail about the mother she lost."She told me you were younger than her.Is that true?"
I chuckle."Yeah, she was three years older than me, but thanks to my height and posture, people assumed I was older."
"Did you love her?"
I let out a long sigh, memories flooding back like a broken dam.
"The truth, please," she whispers, and in that moment she looks so much like Jessica it makes my chest ache.
I scratch my forehead."I loved your mother.She was my first real love, but eight months after we started dating, I got accepted to college back in Boston.She wanted me to pursue my dreams and also get into law school herself.I mean, she had been working for years to be able to do it.So, she told me to go back, and promised we would make it work..."My voice catches."But then, three months later, she stopped returning my calls and messages, until she called me one day to break up."
As I tell Samantha this, memories I had buried deep down rush to my mind.Jessica didn't give me any explanations, just said she couldn't do the long-distance relationship anymore.I tried to convince her otherwise, but she wouldn't listen.Maybe that's part of the reason why I've never been able to open up like that again.Too much to process at the same time for such a young boy.Who would have thought the real reason was that she was pregnant?
"So...after everything I had gone through with my father and with how hard I had worked to get into this college, I decided to focus my attention on me and my education."
"Why didn't she tell you she was pregnant?"Samantha's voice cracks on the last word.
"I don't have an answer to that question.I wish I did."
"So you wanted me?"
I stare at her and watch how a glassy layer of sadness is ready to spill, and my heart sinks seeing how she bites on her lip to hide any sound wanting to escape from her mouth.Without thinking, I pull her against my chest, where she lets out another set of tears that soak into my shirt.
"You thought I didn't want you?"I whisper as emotions restrict my voice.
She nods in my embrace, her whole body trembling.
"God, I'm so sorry, Samantha," I sigh, holding her tighter."If I had known..."Regret washes over me like the long and slow waves on a shallow beach.How I yearn to go back in time.My brain fires tons of burning questions as I'm holding her in my arms.Why, Jessica, why didn't you tell me?Why did you raise our child alone?
Minutes later, Samantha sits back up and glances at me.She fumbles with the end of her ponytail, and as I stand up to get a drink, she whispers, "Thank you for not dumping me with a foster family, Cole."
I twist my head and answer as our eyes connect."You're welcome.I'm glad you're here with me."
When she gives me a genuine smile, I know I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life."Do you want me to drop you off at school?"
"No, I'm taking the bus today.Thanks for the offer."
I pull my ringing phone out of my pocket and answer."Hey, Tommy.How is it going?"
"Not good."
"What's wrong?"
