“Gross. But you know what I mean.”
“I do.”
“You, though…” Her gaze, when it finally shifted Raven’s way, was betrayed. “You’re always, like,together.” It sounded like an accusation. “You go on dates, sure, but it’s like business meetings. Nobodycharmsyou. You don’t have crushes, or do anything wild.”
“Try to make me sound a little colder and robotic,” Raven said, wryly, but she was beginning to understand.
Cass made a face, frustrated. “You know what I mean. You don’t care about long hair, and leather jackets, and – and–”
“Cass.” Raven gave into the urge to put an arm around her, this time, pulled her in close enough to feel the way she was shaking. Fine tremors like she was cold. Raven was well-acquainted with the feeling at this point. Cass resisted a moment, and then slumped against her. “I’m not as ‘together’ as you think I am.”
Cass made a protesting nose, and Raven propped her chin on top of her head. “Mum didn’t want me to have anything to do with any of the boys when I was growing up. Phil was already patched in, and she was worried he’d sway me to the dark side, or some such rot. But Phil sent a birthday card every year, so I knew who he was, and I wanted to meet him.”
Cass snorted. “You change your mind after you did?”
“No. Don’t get me wrong, he infuriates me at times, but I was determined to know my family, no matter how different they were from me. When I turned eighteen, she stopped trying to interfere, and Phil arranged for me to meet everyone all at once. Had a dinner at Baskerville and everything.
“Not to be conceited, but I got a good bit of attention that night.”
“Please, you love it.”
Raven didn’t deny it further. “Anyway. There was a boy there. A prospect. My age. They were calling him Havoc, which seemed a bit heavy a name for a prospect – but he looked like he could back it up. Tall, dark and handsome. Long hair. Earrings. Very rock ‘n roll.”
Cass scoffed. “Okay. I’m sensing a pattern.”
“Hush. I was eighteen, and he was very handsome.”
“And he broke your heart?”
“No. Nothing happened beyond a little flirtation.”
Cass pulled back to send her a doubtful – damning, even – look. “Nothing? This is a lame story.”
“My point is, I recognized then that I wasn’t as cold as I’d always thought. I was susceptible. But I was already deep into my career, and I had loads of responsibility. I realized that it would be all-too-easy to throw my opportunities away for the sake of a silly fling. I steeled myself, and decided it was better not to ever give in to temptation.”
Cassandra’s expression was still full of judgement. “Until now.”
Raven groaned, and dropped the Mature Adult Routine. “Cass.Jesus. Do you know how dull my dating life has been? How uninspired, and bloodless, and, let’s face it: unappealing? I’m not some – some blushing maiden. I’ll spare you the particulars, but suffice to say, being told you’re ‘lovely’ and holding hands during the opera only gets you so far.”
Cassandra’s nose wrinkled.
“I didn’t want to be with a Lean Dog for a lot of reasons,” Raven continued, nerves jangling as she swerved out of Big Sister territory and into Bald Honesty, in a way she’d barely allowed herself even in her own head. “And I’m not even sure ‘be with’ is the right phrase, in this instance. Nothing’s certain. Everything is mad right now, and I don’t know how he feels, or even how I feel, really, none of this was expected, and I don’t–”
“Raven.” Cass’s expression had smoothed and firmed. She twisted around so she sat sideways, facing Rave, cross-legged. She folded her hands together in her lap, and took a deep breath, resolved. “You really like him, don’t you?”
Raven resisted the urge to fidget. “Is it terribly obvious?”
“Not really. I mean, it is to me, because you’re you.”
“That doesn’t feel like a compliment.
Cass snorted. “He’s really hot.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t think you cared about that sort of thing.”
“I didn’t either, but it turns out I’m human after all.”
